Adoption Thread

[Beowulf]

I am making this post as a place for those who are adopted or even those who might have given up someone for adoption to chat and swap stories. Are you searching for someone? Do you have a story, sad or happy, to share? Do you just want the shoulder of someone who understands to cry on? Need advice on how to search? If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions then post away. There are no wrong answers, dumb questions or bad advice.

For those who don't know, I am an adoptee who found his biological family over 3 years ago after searching actively for over 5 years. It was a wonderful reunion. I don't know everything but I do know how to get the ball rolling.

So, post away and let's see if we can't help each other. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Beowulf,
You got the thread!! This is GREAT! Consider me a definite part. I have the first question ... I don't know if I should post this in legal or not, but here goes...

Am trying to track down my Bio-Dad. Supposedly he doesn't know I exist, and my Bio-Mom will not tell me anything about him. I do have a few tidbits though. Am wanting to know if it is legal to take out a personal ad asking for information about a man in a relationship with my Bio-Mom (want to use her name) at such-&-such a date. Does anyone know if I can legally use her name without her permission?

I can't think of any other way of tracking this guy down. I have a (possible) first name, "Bill." An approximate age - 62-66. I know he went to school at a different school than her, and where (St.Petersburg, Florida). At the time they conceived me, he was in law enforcement. That's all I know.

Okay, let the posts begin!! I look forward to this forum.

[Rink]

All I know of my birth mother is that she was too young to keep me and that she would not sign the papers till she had a baby picture of me, so they took a polaroid pic of me, and she signed the papers.

My mom has no problems bout me searching for my kin, its just I have too much goin on at this time for me to get started.

I was Born on August 19th 1963 in the Old St Joseph's Hospital at 10:38 pm and was delivered by a one James Marlum.

I'm cautious bout searching because I do not want to disturb any happy family and I do not wish to disrupt anyone's life with me on their doorstep saying 'Hi mom' I respect their privacy and would respect them & their wishes if they did not wish to see me.

The only things I want are few, but important to me, one which is very important is my medical history, that is what i would want so i would know if any health issues ran in the family and also to find out if deafness ran in the family also as i was born with hearing problems.

----------------

Homeschool, do you know your birth mothers mom? maybe she can help you with the search for your father? any living relatives that knew her during the time of her courtship with your birth father?

Just an idea?

[Beowulf]

With your permission, Home, I'd like to refer this to a friend who is good at this sort of stuff.

Rink, I still have your info. Ball is in your court as to when or if we proceed. Don't think of it as disrupting your happy family. It's your right to know and no one should be able to say otherwise. My adoptive mother doesn't know of my findings and she won't know. She opposed my search but I did it anyway. Just wanting to know is enough for me.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Rink,
I searched for 10 years -- WITH the help of my adopted Mother. The experience actually brought us much closer together. I have a new-found respect for her that she would put her fears and anxiety on a back burner just so she could help me. She didn't have to do anything, but wrote many MANY letters on my behalf (even to Donahue!), and contacted many many people. It was actually HER suggestion (she called me about a local judge who might be amenable to sending me medical information) that directly led to my finding my birth Mother. I fluctuated off and on whether I wanted to actually find her or not -- but my adopted Mom stood by me the entire way. I found Bio-Mom and Bio-1/2 Sister, but now really want to find my Bio-Dad.

Beowulf,
That would be fine! I'll take all the help I can get. I am at a loss as to how to proceed from here, so maybe a fresh pair of eyes and perspective might jump-start my search.
Thanks for all your help, Beo!

[Rink]

Beowulf said:
With your permission, Home, I'd like to refer this to a friend who is good at this sort of stuff.

Rink, I still have your info. Ball is in your court as to when or if we proceed. Don't think of it as disrupting your happy family. It's your right to know and no one should be able to say otherwise. My adoptive mother doesn't know of my findings and she won't know. She opposed my search but I did it anyway. Just wanting to know is enough for me.



Beo Not talkin bout disturbing my family, as they are ok by this, I just dont wanna disturb my birth parents families if they are not prepared for it.

I respect their privacy and would do my best to keep theirs as well as mine.

Guess I'm a lil picky

[Beowulf]

If things are done right, Rink, your birth family is given the option as to whether they want contact or not. Remember, once found, they are as nervous as you. My birth parents were contacted FIRST. They then contacted me since I started the search. State laws don't always make it easy but if worked right, they aren't a big issue.

[Rink]

ok, my prob is I dunno how to start this.

[Antigone]

I am an adoptive mother, but really have no insight/ideas that may help any of you with your birth parents. We did an international adoption for a variety of personal reasons.

I wish all of you the best of luck if finding your birth parents is what you want to do. Especially in Rink's case in regards to the medical info. Since my daughter is still very young we have not yet had to cover the whole "adopted" discussion yet. She does not understand yet why she looks different than we do, but it is not an issue..........yet. Someday we will have that discussion but not yet.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Antigone,
I, of course, am not familiar with your particular "brand" (no offense meant here) of adoption, but speaking as an adoptee, I can only share my experiences from this end. I have known as long as I can remember that I was adopted. My parents were open and honest from the beginning, and probably began telling me before I even understood what it meant. It was just a given at our house -- a part of life, no big deal, normal. This helped -- especially given the time frame of my adoption. At school I was picked on, called a "bad name" and made fun of -- early on I went to a private school. Now the stigma really is practically nil. It's a relatively normal thing now -- I think everyone knows at least one adopted person, if they aren't one themselves.

I have a friend whose parents kept the truth from her, and she found out by word of mouth from someone spreading rumors. It about killed her. Destroyed her relationship with her adoptive parents, and she really, really took it hard. I think, in my VERY humble opinion, openness and honesty really are the best ways to go when dealing with adoption.

[Antigone]

Homeschool-

We have no intention of keeping the fact she is adopted from her. Be a little hard to do considering she is from a different country and looks nothing like us! All I am saying is that right now, at the age of 4, it is not high on her priority list to talk about. She knows how things are to a certain degree since we are currently completing work for another adoption. She knows where she came from, that she came here on a plane, she was a baby who lived in another country for awhile until Mommy and Daddy came to get her and so forth. We just have not had the full in-depth discussion about where are my birth parents, who were they, etc. because she has not asked nor seems interested at this point. I will let her decide when she wants to discuss those things.

[Rink]

My parents were open and honest about all of us kids adoption from the getgo.
they wanted and chose us, thus we were very well loved.

I was blessed to have a very loving and stable family.

[Antigone]

Rink said:
My parents were open and honest about all of us kids adoption from the getgo.
they wanted and chose us, thus we were very well loved.

I was blessed to have a very loving and stable family.





We are open about it also. She knows she is adopted. It's rather obvious. We have never, nor will we ever, keep anything from her. Right now at her age she isn't asking much. That is the only point I was trying to make. We don't start the day with the mantra "you are adopted" nor do we whisper behind her back about it. The day(s) will come when there is more discussion.

[Beowulf]

Anti, I can only ask that if she wants to know, tell her what you can. Somehow, I think you will anyway. I wouldn't know where to start on a foreign adoption but the internet is a big tool for adoption searches. Just give her the best guidance you can. I will be talking to a friend about getting better contacts for searching as I know she has many.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Antigone,
I apologize if I sounded offensive -- was not my intention. Sounds like you have a great family. My hat's off to anyone willing to take in a child, love and care for them, and accept them as one of their own. I know my life was truly blessed because of it!
I didn't mean to insinuate that you wouldn't tell your child -- I was only speaking from my experiences. It is such a wonderful thing that the atmosphere surrounding adoption has so definitely changed. When I was growing up, it was taboo to talk about, and even more taboo if you knew and admitted you were adopted. It is nice to have a forum in which to speak with others affected by adoption. Actually, when I was growing up, I never knew any other adopted children until way in my high school years. It was just not something people discussed.
I pray the Lord's richest blessing on your little one, you and your entire family. She is one very blessed little girl, and I'm sure she will always know it and feel it. I definitely did.
Hms /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon27.gif

[Beowulf]

Home, I sent you a PM. It has some info you will find useful.

[CatKozTX]

Whoa! This thread is new to me as I've been gone for awhile.

I don't have a lot to offer other than to tell you all I'm an adoptee as well and successfully (on my own) found my birthparents and full sisters. It was not a good experience for me, but I'm still glad I did it.

I'm available for questions or just to talk about searching or anything at all related to adoption.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

CatKozTX,
My experience was not good either, in fact, my birthmother told me if abortion would have been legal I wouldn't be here.
Mind if I ask a question? (and please feel free not to answer) Have you looked for, found, or know anything about your bio-dad?
I lost my adopted father in 1999. After such a bad ordeal with my bio-mom, and thinking often about it, I find I want to seek him out. Supposedly he knows nothing about me.
I can relate to the "glad I did it anyway" mentality, though. While the result was certainly not what I hoped for, at least I don't have that hole, that void, that blankness inside from not knowing.

[CatKozTX]

I don't mind answering anything! ;) My bio-dad is actually the only one that returned contact. I even went so far as to meet him. He's the one that gave me the little bit of information that I have about my bio-sisters and mother.

I later found out that he was a shameless alcoholic (and has been for sometime) that uses Vietnam as an excuse for every bad thing he has done in his life. He decided that he could just step back into my life and be "dad". When I bluntly informed him that I had a "dad" that I loved dearly that had passed away and that I would never have a nother "dad" he got snotty. It got ugly after that and I cut off contact.

I learned a lot from the experience and there are things I would do differently if I had the opportunity to start my search over. I went into knowing that I may not like the outcome, but I figure having the information is better than living with the void.

[Rink]

Dont regret your searches, at least you know something bout your origina, family names and possibly heritage somewhere.

[Beowulf]

Thanks for the input, Cat. I started this just for people like those who have posted who have been on either side of the adoption issue. I'm sorry that your experience wasn't a pleasant one. My birth parents both understand that I have parents I dearly love and they don't intrude. Still unsure of how to address them, I call them Mother French and Dad Hunter. We get along great but I do maintain a bit of a buffer zone so as to respect my family.

To this day, my adoptive mom doesn't know a thing. She was angry when I told her I was searching. She lives alone and is an alcoholic so it's tough for her.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Cat,
Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story with me, I can only imagine all the emotions and thoughts that you encountered. I can certainly relate to the feeling that knowing is way preferable to not knowing, no matter what the circumstance or outcome.

I vacillate between wanting to know about my bio-father, not wanting to know, and whether I should try to look or not. I don't know about you, but it is very difficult for me to discuss this with anyone who has not been touched by adoption at all. I have heard all sorts of things and gotten all kinds of advice: he's probbly a criminal, maybe he was a girlfriend-beater, you're better off not knowing because it might be bad ... down to: don't you love your adoptive parents? Why would you do something so hurtful to them? etc.

Finding my bio-mom was so difficult, painful, time consuming, and costly that often I just let the thoughts of finding my bio-dad drift away for a while because it is so overwhelming to think of going through the process all over again. Then something happens, like Friday, September 10th which was the 5th anniversary of my adopted Dad's death, and Sunday, September 12th, which was the celebration for my daughter's 13th birthday. She loved her grampa so much, and he was such a special part of her life ... it was heartbreaking to think of him not there, and to think of the grampa that doesn't know he has a beautiful granddaughter, or daughter for that matter.

I'm sorry to ramble on so ... sometimes it's just nice to have a place to let it all out without fear of judgment, recrimination, or chastisement.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing your story!
Many Blessings,
Hms

[Peachdiane]

Howdy Cat! :wave:

This is a very interesting thread. My grandma was born Marjorie Rosemary Rogers. When she was a baby her dad just up and left the family. Her mom remarried and she was renamed Marjorie Rosemary Green. So I grew up knowing the Green family. But, I always wondered if the Rogers family ever knew she existed or that she had two children, three grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren....

[CaliGirl]

I am making this post as a place for those who are adopted or even those who might have given up someone for adoption to chat and swap stories. Are you searching for someone? Do you have a story, sad or happy, to share? Do you just want the shoulder of someone who understands to cry on? Need advice on how to search? If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions then post away. There are no wrong answers, dumb questions or bad advice.Beo, I would like some info on how to search. I have a friend who gave away her baby boy and I told her I would try to figure out how to find him. She does not have access to the internet, reason why I am searching. Did you research on the internet? If so, what are the links, and are the sites free to search?

Thanks!

[Beowulf]

There is SO much you need to do and consider when searching. I started my search on the web. There are literally thousands of websites of people searching both for children, birth-parents and sibliings. Although after my search I deleted many of my file sources for websites, I did save a few.

"Find Me.Org" http://www.findme.org/findme/index.cfm?fuseaction=Main

This is the only one I have that isn't specific to the state in which I searched, which is Michigan. One sure fire way is too do a search using Google or whatever search engine you choose, something like, "birth parents searching for children" or "adoptees searching for birth parents." I did it from both ends. MOST websites you will find are free. I'd be reluctant to post my info that costs.

I'm not sure your friend can do it but just for fun I wrote to the state of Michigan and requested whatever info they had. 6 weeks to the day, I recieved an envelope loaded with paperwork. All the names and places were cut out but it still gave me much to work with, including one place where they mistakenly left my name at birth. I must have read it all over a thousand times just trying to finds something, anything I missed before.

I could go on forever here. If your friend wants help, I'll get here started. I'm sending you a PM with an email addy on it. What I can't help you with I will at least point her toward someone who can.

[CatKozTX]

I did my own search and was very successful. It was certainly a learning process - I found all kinds of cool tools on the internet.

[CzechPrince]

My aunt and uncle on my mom's side are IN CHINA as I write here adopting a little girl! :)

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

My aunt and uncle on my mom's side are IN CHINA as I write here adopting a little girl! :)

Congratulations Czech, on your (soon to be) new cousin!

[CzechPrince]

Thanks! Yeah, I cannot remember what they are going to name her, but I think it is Lacy-Rose and then her Chinese name as her middle name. They should be getting back sometime this week, I'll keep everyone her posted, maybe a picture if I'm lucky.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Thanks! Yeah, I cannot remember what they are going to name her, but I think it is Lacy-Rose and then her Chinese name as her middle name. They should be getting back sometime this week, I'll keep everyone her posted, maybe a picture if I'm lucky.

Czech,
That is just wonderful! Your family will be truly blessed by this new addition. And what a LOVELY name! I really like the idea of keeping her given-name as her middle name too -- that will surely help later on down the road when she is feeling "different." Most ALL adoptees do (feel different) at some time in their lives, despite wonderfully loving families. Those (families) which tackle this as part of life growing up more often do better as a family unit than those who keep the information from their kids and then they find out at a later date.

One small piece of advice (from personal experience). My Gramma and Grampa, along with many others of my family, used to say things like "we love you even if you are adopted" or "meet our adopted grand-daughter" etc. These things only reinforce the feeling of not being a part of things, even though they are not said with that intention. Tell her you love her, period. Tell her she is a great cousin (don't mention the adopted part).

Anyway, blessings to you and her, and your entire family Czech. Definitely keep us updated!

[Antigone]

My aunt and uncle on my mom's side are IN CHINA as I write here adopting a little girl! :)

Congrats on the new addition! We hope to be going back to China later this year to adopt our second daughter. :laugh:

We kept our first daughter's Chinese name as part of her name. How many people do you know that have an "X" and a "Q" for initials??!!

Enjoy your little cousin!

[CzechPrince]

Thanks, still have not heard anything yet, but I will keep you posted.

[Antigone]

Thanks, still have not heard anything yet, but I will keep you posted.

The first week there will be rather hectic for them so don't expect much info until their second week in China. By then, the majority of the paperwork (but not all) is done, you have Gotcha Day, and you are learning what it takes to keep your child happy. Some make an easy transition, others don't. Depends on whether they were fostered or in the orphanage the entire time. Looking back now, we had a rather easy time of it. The homecoming at the airport was the best part. We were home!!

[Westbrook]

Four of our seven children are adopted.

Three of our adopted chldren were born in Russia.

We are now in the process of adopting four siblings from Brazil, by God's mercy and grace. With our two oldest children married, we would have nine children at home with us. What a blessing!

We consider adoption to be as marriage, a permanent spiritual bond. Our adopted children are received by our biological children and all the rest of the family as though they were born into it. We love our adopted children as much as our bio children, and can't imagine life without them.

As our adopted children are given our name and heritage, we take upon ourselves some of their heritage also, even as God took upon Himself our nature in adopting us into His family. We study Russian, visit Russian Baptist churches, and we have learned more than a few Russian hymns. The first time I walked into a Russian Baptist church, I felt "at home" and felt as though I had found family. I wept through my whole first visit there.

Our American-born adoptee shares our American heritage, but she considers herself part-Russian through her Russian-born adopted siblings, as do our bio-children.

Now we are learning Portuguese and spending time with the Brazilian Christian Community, another group with whom I instantly felt a familial bond. Our children, even our Russians, are learning Brazilian hymns and they anxiously await the day of the arrival of their new siblings.

While all our adopted children know that they are adopted, they know also that in the Bible, adoption is a metaphor of our personal relationship with God.

We have retained contact with the biological family of our American-born child, and we even have made contact with the biological grandparents of two of our children born in Russia. We were able to find them with the help of a friend in Russia and an address on one of the court documents.

The mother of our other Russian-born child cannot be located and her father is unknown. Because adoptions in Russia are permanent and sealed, the likelihood of helping her find her bio-family when she is older are even more dim. But she was badly mistreated by her alcoholic mother as a child, so I don't think she'll be anxious to find them anyway. She was 4 years old when we adopted her.

The Brazilian children we are trying to adopt now will probably have difficulty finding their bio-family. Their father died, and their mother disappeared. They were abused and neglected by the bio-family that took them in after the death of their father, so they were removed from there by the State. Adoptions in Brazil, as in Russia, are sealed and permanent.

Best wishes to those of you seeking your bio-parents. May God bless your efforts.

[Paula]

Why are they not adopting someone from the US? Maybe a slightly older child? I think adoption should be done here first, and surely there are kids here that need homes.

Sometimes the foreign kids have problems. I don't totally trust adopting European, or Asian kids. They can be traumatized in early life, or get no attention, and then they are odd.

I have a friend that adopted a Russian girl at age 3. She's a super nice girl, but slow. My friend doesn't know if she'll be able to graduate HS, so she may have to try for a GED. The Russians don't even know who her parents were. They think she's actually not Russian.

[Beowulf]

It's all about personal choice and individual rights, Paula. I work with a fella that adopted a Russian girl and she's smart as a whip. True, many DO have problems but isn't that the right of the adopting parents as to whether or not they want to deal with them? I think so.

[Westbrook]

Why are they not adopting someone from the US?


One of our adopted children was born here in the States, but more on that later.


There are many, many, MANY more children available for adoption in foreign nations than there are here in the States.
Foreign adoptions are actually much easier, far less expensive, and much faster to accomplish than domestic adoptions, in spite of the fact that the amount of required documentation is more than quadrupled.

When we first looked into adoption back in the 1980s, we were asked two questions.

1. How old are you?

2. How much money do you have in the bank?

When I asked why in the world they would ask these questions, their answers were,

1. Because the adoption process could take up to ten years.

2. Because the adoption process could cost up to $40,000.

In the 1990s, I tried again, but this time through the foster care program set up by then President Clinton. In this program, children in foster care for more than a year would be eligible for adoption by their foster parents.

Sounded really good to me, so I gave the foster care social worker a call.

Turns out after being interviewed for about an hour or so that we were ineligible.

Why?

This is what the lady told us.


We don't have a TV. This would limit the child's "access to the community and the free marketplace of ideas".
We are homeschoolers. Foster children must be enrolled in public schools, where they can have access to the counsellors there and where they can be monitored more closely by the social agencies.
We are Christians who conduct family devotions, prayer meetings, and church assemblies in our home. This would impose our religion upon a child who may have been born to a faith other than fundamentalist Christian, and who may want access to the fath community of their birth.
We would not allow certain types of music or literature in our home. See item 1 above.

A friend of mine cynically muses that most children in the States that should be eligible for adoption are either killed in the womb or become "welfare hostages". His terminology, not mine. Harsh, but, in my opinion, very close to the mark.

The one child that we did adopt here in the States was going to be aborted by her mother. The mother's aunt, being a good Christian, was able to convince her that a good Christian family would be glad to adopt her child. The woman agreed to allow her child to be born and adopted. We were contacted and asked if we'd be interested. Because this was a "personal adoption", the costs were extremely minimal, since there were no agencies or lawyers involved; just us, the birth parents, and the court.

Hope this helps clear up the mystery a bit.

[Melz]

My step sister was adopted and knew of being adopted at an early age, no one hid that from her. Once she was about 28 she persued her real mom (we had heard that her real mom had a lot of children and couldnt afford nor handle another youngen). She went thru a lot to find her (was not like the Lifetime movies to do so though..lol. I can give info in more detail if anyone needs to know) but she found her mom, who had two adult children at the time she found her (not sure what the story on the many many kids thing was about). Her mom met with the family and after exchanging communications for about a year, her mom started acting strange and avoiding her. I think they talk now, but it is not like the initial meeting and gleefulness of it all. But she knows who she is and knows she is healthy and still cares for her in a remote sort of way.

On another note, our brother and sister in law are having the other sister in law have a baby as per in vitro (I mentioned this before). Before this decision they were pursuing an adoption of a Vietnemese child (the reason for the foreign and not American child is that the mother, my sister in law, is Vietnemiese). I didn't know if that would go thru but now, they found out they are adopting a baby from Guatemala! They will now have two kids by the end of the year!

Do they tell them both how they came about to their families? Do you tell your children if they are adopted or invitro? and when?

I am happy for them :)

[Paula]

It's all about personal choice and individual rights, Paula. I work with a fella that adopted a Russian girl and she's smart as a whip. True, many DO have problems but isn't that the right of the adopting parents as to whether or not they want to deal with them? I think so.

I merely was pointing out that children adopted from foreign countries can have problems.

It is hard to adopt here apparently, which makes no sense, but if we are going to be against abortion, we should really try to adopt here first if possible, but apparently that's tough. I didn't know this, and thought possibly people don't want bi-racial, lame, or retarded kids, and that they were shunning these kids, but again, apparently not, it's just tough to get kids here.

Didn't know this, but now I do. Sorry!

[Westbrook]

Paula,

You can't get "unwanted" American babies, because their mothers would rather KILL them than bring them to term and place them for adoption.

You can read the personals in the classified and find couples advertising, "Will care for you through your pregnancy and adopt your baby. Medical care and all expenses..."

I have seen ads like this many times.

Also, adoptions in the States are NOT necessarily permanent. There were two highly publicized cases some years ago where adopted children were ripped out of their adoptive parents arms at three and four years of age to be placed with "parents" they never knew. I wonder sometimes if the lawyers who took these cases didn't do it just to see if they could do it, having no sensitiviy whatever for the human element involved.

Foreign adoptions are permanent and sealed. You NEVER have to worry about a foreign "parent" coming to the States to look for "her" child. Her government would not allow the child to come back into the country without its RIGHTFUL parents, as determined by the courts of that country.

And when you say, "I merely was pointing out that children adopted from foreign countries can have problems."

Then you say, "we should really try to adopt here first if possible, but apparently that's tough. I didn't know this, and thought possibly people don't want bi-racial, lame, or retarded kids, and that they were shunning these kids, but again, apparently not, it's just tough to get kids here."

Can you see the inconsistency of thought here?

I don't mean to pick on you, but it seems to me that you don't understand much about adoption.

I can't speak for anybody else, but my wife and I believe that we are called by God to spend and be spent for these children.

Some of our adopted children have exhibited minor disabilities.

Two of the children we are adopting from Brazil have significant learning deficits and developmental delays. All of them will need extensive dental and orthodontal care. None of these things will be covered by our insurance, but we will be glad to address them anyway.

The ancestry or gender or nation of birth of our children of no consequence to us.

While we seek no rewards for loving our children, we have experienced the deep fulfillment of nurturing a child through the emotional turbulence and stresses imposed by a violent past, and watching that child develop into a blessing to all who meet her. We have experienced the joy of watching a child with speech deficits overcome them and articulate her thoughts so others can understand them.

Our children are OUR children, and it does not matter to us where they came from or how old they were when they came to us.

We had given up trying to adopt here in the States, as it was next to impossible for us. When we learned about foreign adoptions, we sent away for an "information packet". Some weeks or months later, the foreign adoption agency called and told us that they had a little boy and had prayed over him and felt that the Lord was leading them to place him in my home. When I asked how much this would cost, I balked. It was still way less than an "American" adoption, but it was more than I thought I could afford, until my wife asked me how much we had paid for the new van in our yard.

After our first adoption, we promised the Lord that if He provided, we would do it again.

He has provided again, and again, and again, and we have answered His call to the best of our limited abilities.

We are praying that we can answer His call once again and bring our new children home where they can be loved, and nurtured and have their problems properly addressed.

[Tumblehome]

I have an interesting twist on this. My father was adopted and has never had any interest in knowing who his birth parents are. My sister and I are somewhat curious, for medical reasons. We don't know if we have a family history of disease X, etc. Do you think it would be wrong of us to go behind our father's back and look into this? Should we let him know if we do so? Or should we wait until he's dead (he's in his 70s) and find out then. I only found out that my father was adopted a few years ago.

[Beowulf]

Tumble, my adoptive mother still knows nothing of my finding my birth family as she objected to my search. It's been 4 years and yes, I just keep a lid on things. I don't like it but it is necessary. I'd say quietly satisfy your curiosity.