Warlady
12-04-2004, 06:42 AM
Subject: Memo to the left
A big "THANK YOU" to the author of this, whoever he or she is.
________________
To Michael Moore: Stay and live in Hollywood. You are at your best in the land of make-believe. Take the self-absorbed news entertainment media with you.
To Jimmy Carter: Big mistake to sit down next to Michael Moore at the convention. Spend more time with drywall and the glue gun. Or start lusting in your heart again. You are still confused about world affairs.
To Tom Daschle: Do you understand now what it costs to be an bstructionist? Your negative blitherings are only representative of the leadership of the Democratic Party and do not portray the true feelings of your Democratic
constituency. It's OK to disagree, and debate it, but personal bile and handcuffing progress will put you out of the boat.
To Al Gore: Please, sir, before it's too late: seek an experienced mental health professional. You're beginning to make Christopher Lloyd in "Back To The Future" look downright Rotarian-like. There are sooooooo many people in the whole world who have now seen your true self that they are really really really glad that you never got to be President.
To Dan Rather: Enjoy your early retirement. The next memo you get will be real.
To the DNC: Your platform must not have lurched far enough to the left. Keep it tilting southpaw. Read more Marx. P.S. Keep insulting the voters with your moral and intellectual condescension, too. It goes well with that warp-speed registering of folks in plaid wool blankets pushing shopping carts. Lovely constituency.
To Bill Clinton: Thanks for hitting the campaign trail for Kerry. Some of us needed a reminder of what we were trying to avoid. Did you ever decide what "is," is?
To Hillary Clinton: PLEASE run in '08. The Heartland will be hungry for more hors d'oeuvres by then.
To the MTV Kidz: "Vote or die." That's quite a powerful message for the hip hop crowd. Thanks for carrying the banner in a most unique manner.
To John "Breck Girl" Edwards: Can you help Michael Moore and Whoopi Goldberg with a little basic grooming? You couldn't carry either of your home States, but it's understood that it is so cold towards you in both North and South Carolina you now have your hands in your own pockets.
To Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Bono, etc.: A few of us still like your music, but if you ever want to sell another record, just sing and don't pretend you have any other wisdom. We don't pay to hear Don Rumsfeld do air guitar, either.
To George Soros: Want to buy an election? Not in *MY* America, you monomaniacal, socialistic buffoon. To the Mainstream Media: Congratulations on getting Kerry at least thirty more electoral votes than he would have gotten without your covert support. Imagine how badly he would have lost if you were actually unbiased.
To the United Nations: Your worst nightmare will continue for another four years. Come clean about the French, Russians, and Chinese lining their own pockets at the expense of the Iraqi people. Remember??? It was called "Oil for food" or the Kofi Annan retirement fund.
To Howard "I Have A Scream" Dean: Stick with something you understand;like proctology, for instance. With your views, I would be screaming too.
To John Zogby: Monster.com will post your résumé.
To Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Robert Scheer, and your minor league imitators, Greg Plast and Mark Morford: We do not know what you are so mad about. Please find some counseling for your maniacal diatribes against America's positions. You have no readers in the red states.
To Teddy Kennedy: Sigh, it's still the blonde in the pond who leads your highlight reel.
To the Exit Pollsters: As long as you keep skewing the results in an attempt to influence the election, we'll keep lying to you.
To Osama bin Laden: Hope you are enjoying your sojourn in the beautiful caves of Pakistan. It must feel good to be so powerful. The Coalition will be calling on you soon for a visit.
To Teresa HEINZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Kerry: Teaching is a real job, even for the "OPIONNNNNATED". The Teachers Union, who supported your husband, can clarify any continuing confusion. Oh, and it's not a "real job" to sleep with a third-generation ketchup heir and then cash the plane-crash check.
To the European Union: Does anybody remember how WWII started at the hands of a Dictator? How do you think a Dictator with a real lot of money and a line of 70 virgins for his mortally wounded would do? With the choice of a tent in the desert and immortality, which line would you be standing in? Figured out it was sooner or later yet?
To Terry McAuliffe: See message for Dan Rather. And pay a little attention to what Zell Miller reminds us of: 20 Democratic senators from the south in 1960 and only six from the GOP. Today, 22 Republicans and four Dems.
To MoveOn.org: See message for George Soros.
To James Carville: You're the only guy who seems to get it; and you're very smart, even if you are obnoxious. Good luck finding an audience that's neither medicated nor mendacious.
And finally, to John Kerry: Thank you for your interest in national defense. And thank you for reporting for duty. You are hereby dismissed.
A big "THANK YOU" to the author of this, whoever he or she is.
________________
To Michael Moore: Stay and live in Hollywood. You are at your best in the land of make-believe. Take the self-absorbed news entertainment media with you.
To Jimmy Carter: Big mistake to sit down next to Michael Moore at the convention. Spend more time with drywall and the glue gun. Or start lusting in your heart again. You are still confused about world affairs.
To Tom Daschle: Do you understand now what it costs to be an bstructionist? Your negative blitherings are only representative of the leadership of the Democratic Party and do not portray the true feelings of your Democratic
constituency. It's OK to disagree, and debate it, but personal bile and handcuffing progress will put you out of the boat.
To Al Gore: Please, sir, before it's too late: seek an experienced mental health professional. You're beginning to make Christopher Lloyd in "Back To The Future" look downright Rotarian-like. There are sooooooo many people in the whole world who have now seen your true self that they are really really really glad that you never got to be President.
To Dan Rather: Enjoy your early retirement. The next memo you get will be real.
To the DNC: Your platform must not have lurched far enough to the left. Keep it tilting southpaw. Read more Marx. P.S. Keep insulting the voters with your moral and intellectual condescension, too. It goes well with that warp-speed registering of folks in plaid wool blankets pushing shopping carts. Lovely constituency.
To Bill Clinton: Thanks for hitting the campaign trail for Kerry. Some of us needed a reminder of what we were trying to avoid. Did you ever decide what "is," is?
To Hillary Clinton: PLEASE run in '08. The Heartland will be hungry for more hors d'oeuvres by then.
To the MTV Kidz: "Vote or die." That's quite a powerful message for the hip hop crowd. Thanks for carrying the banner in a most unique manner.
To John "Breck Girl" Edwards: Can you help Michael Moore and Whoopi Goldberg with a little basic grooming? You couldn't carry either of your home States, but it's understood that it is so cold towards you in both North and South Carolina you now have your hands in your own pockets.
To Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Bono, etc.: A few of us still like your music, but if you ever want to sell another record, just sing and don't pretend you have any other wisdom. We don't pay to hear Don Rumsfeld do air guitar, either.
To George Soros: Want to buy an election? Not in *MY* America, you monomaniacal, socialistic buffoon. To the Mainstream Media: Congratulations on getting Kerry at least thirty more electoral votes than he would have gotten without your covert support. Imagine how badly he would have lost if you were actually unbiased.
To the United Nations: Your worst nightmare will continue for another four years. Come clean about the French, Russians, and Chinese lining their own pockets at the expense of the Iraqi people. Remember??? It was called "Oil for food" or the Kofi Annan retirement fund.
To Howard "I Have A Scream" Dean: Stick with something you understand;like proctology, for instance. With your views, I would be screaming too.
To John Zogby: Monster.com will post your résumé.
To Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Robert Scheer, and your minor league imitators, Greg Plast and Mark Morford: We do not know what you are so mad about. Please find some counseling for your maniacal diatribes against America's positions. You have no readers in the red states.
To Teddy Kennedy: Sigh, it's still the blonde in the pond who leads your highlight reel.
To the Exit Pollsters: As long as you keep skewing the results in an attempt to influence the election, we'll keep lying to you.
To Osama bin Laden: Hope you are enjoying your sojourn in the beautiful caves of Pakistan. It must feel good to be so powerful. The Coalition will be calling on you soon for a visit.
To Teresa HEINZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Kerry: Teaching is a real job, even for the "OPIONNNNNATED". The Teachers Union, who supported your husband, can clarify any continuing confusion. Oh, and it's not a "real job" to sleep with a third-generation ketchup heir and then cash the plane-crash check.
To the European Union: Does anybody remember how WWII started at the hands of a Dictator? How do you think a Dictator with a real lot of money and a line of 70 virgins for his mortally wounded would do? With the choice of a tent in the desert and immortality, which line would you be standing in? Figured out it was sooner or later yet?
To Terry McAuliffe: See message for Dan Rather. And pay a little attention to what Zell Miller reminds us of: 20 Democratic senators from the south in 1960 and only six from the GOP. Today, 22 Republicans and four Dems.
To MoveOn.org: See message for George Soros.
To James Carville: You're the only guy who seems to get it; and you're very smart, even if you are obnoxious. Good luck finding an audience that's neither medicated nor mendacious.
And finally, to John Kerry: Thank you for your interest in national defense. And thank you for reporting for duty. You are hereby dismissed.