How do you deal with sexual abuse in the family? Please respond.

[PrezLeefun]

How do you deal with sexual abuse in the family?

During a conversation about abuse in my highschool health class, the issue of sexual abuse came up. What is most frightening about it is how often it happens within the family.

I found that I couldn't say a word during this conversation, because as a young girl I was molested by a cousin. I didn't say anything because I didn't understand it. As the years went by my memories of what happened became more blurred, and it was more like a dream.

So how do do you deal with sexual abuse in the family? How do make a little kid understand what it is about? How do you know when its ok to talk about what happened?

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

How do you deal with sexual abuse in the family?

During a conversation about abuse in my highschool health class, the issue of sexual abuse came up. What is most frightening about it is how often it happens within the family.

I found that I couldn't say a word during this conversation, because as a young girl I was molested by a cousin. I didn't say anything because I didn't understand it. As the years went by my memories of what happened became more blurred, and it was more like a dream.

So how do do you deal with sexual abuse in the family? How do make a little kid understand what it is about? How do you know when its ok to talk about what happened?

Prez,
This is such a hard issue . . . so complicated, and so much room for problem and misinterpretation. I would imagine each "case" would need to be dealt with on an individual basis, but it is my humble opinion that honesty and straight-forwardness is always the best policy. Tackling tough issues head on, and not sweeping things under the rug makes the most sense to me.

When I was a young girl, I was "fondled" by a much older family friend, one so close to the family I was actually encouraged to call him Uncle. It happened when I was about 7 or 8, and he had come up behind me as I was looking at some pictures on a credenza in their dining room. He reached around to my front and began rubbing my chest. I pulled away and went to the bathroom. I then sought out my "Aunt" and stayed by her side until my Grandparents came and picked me up. I was never, ever alone with him again -- although I have never shared this incident with ANYONE in my family.

I do believe that it is wrong to "pretend" like things never happened. I also think it is wrong of parents/others to treat something like this as a family "secret." By doing this, the child percieves him/herself to be dirty, at fault, or just doesn't understand so by default blames themselves just for being "there." Honesty works . . . dealing with fears, troubles, trials, tribulations head-on helps one get over things, helps in the assimilation process, and restores one's feeling of control.

Well, at least this is my opinion on the issue.

P.S. As an aside, thanks Prez, for sticking up for me in the post re: Atheism. I appreciate the kind words, and most especially your respect. Thanks again, and many blessings!

[PrezLeefun]

No prob Homes!
for Chris your answer is I was 4 he was 10.
So at the time i was young enough not to know better. And he was old enough to know that it was wrong. It is hard to say anything because i remained silent for such a long time. When did speak with his sister about it my best friend and cousin; she confirmed that is was no dream because she to had an "encounter" with him as a young girl. Now as a young adult I am not mad at him but I wonder who hurt him to make act in such a way as a young child.

[UnkHiram]

Sorry is this sounds harsh, but the only response to Sexual Molestation is a call to the local Police. It dont matter if it is your family, your friends or your local Priest they need to be arrested and treated as the perverts that they are.

[PrezLeefun]

Sorry is this sounds harsh, but the only response to Sexual Molestation is a call to the local Police. It dont matter if it is your family, your friends or your local Priest they need to be arrested and treated as the perverts that they are.

Ok sure but how do i tell his mom? how is that not gonna hurt the whole family?

[DesertFox]

I think it all depends on how YOU feel about it, and "feel" is exactly what matters here. Some people are ruined by such things, while others are able to come to terms with it.

My first wife was abused by her father and for years couldn't remember a thing before her 12th birthday. Though she couldn't recall it, it wrecked her emotionally and made it impossible for us to have a decent marriage. Only 20 years after our divorce did it come out and it was too late then to do anything about it (he was on his death bed). To this day she can't talk about it, but she hates men, no matter how good and decent they may be.

My sister was abused by our father. I didn't know until we were all grown. That sister, however, is a very strong personality. She overcame it and it never stopped her from becoming a whole, complete person who in fact lectures on just this topic. Apparently my dad tried to abuse my second sister and it almost, but not quite, wrecked her. She can't talk about specifics.

The curious thing here is that my dad was a really great guy except for those streaks. I now recognize that the mean streaks he used to go thru were periods when he did that sort of thing. He also beat my younger brother brutally, something I also didn't know about until we were all grown and gone from home. I seem to have been the only one who escaped some sort of abuse at his hands, but even my sisters and brother readily recognize the truly wonderful qualities about our father. There was some demon in him that got out from time to time. That's the only way we can square the circle of his personality.

In my book, if you're not ruined by it, the question would be: Is this person likely to abuse others? If you think he is, I'd think he should be reported. Since he had no qualms about abusing his own sister and cousin, incest doesn't inhibit him and any future daughters would almost certainly be abused, also.

I don't think anyone can really give you an answer since in the end it's going to depend on you whether you take action or just let it ride. I personally have been appalled to learn how common sexual abuse is within families, and frankly wouldn't have believed it had these instances not come up with women I personally know and love or have loved. One of the few goods to have come of radical feminism is that this sort of thing can now be talked about.

[PrezLeefun]

In my book, if you're not ruined by it, the question would be: Is this person likely to abuse others? If you think he is, I'd think he should be reported. Since he had no qualms about abusing his own sister and cousin, incest doesn't inhibit him and any future daughters would almost certainly be abused, also.



It is alarming you say that because he has a daughter; she just turned two.