HomeschoolrsRUs
03-12-2005, 08:58 PM
Dear Miss Clee-oh:
It's purty clear to us S'uthuners that y'all's astruhlojickal signs ain't fittin' fer us down heer. Now, when I'm out in my pick-up it's true I do see lotsa bulls, and once in a great while I s'pose I've even seed a Ram or two, but mosta us good ol' boys drive Fords'n Chevy's. Up the street yonder from me there's sum twins, but I don't see 'em 'round much, cuz Farmer Brown only lets his daughters date travelin' salesmen. The resta them thangs'r jus too weird -- well ... Billy Joe got the crabs one time, but that's jes cuz he dated Jimmy Ray's cousin, not'is own. We ain't got no lions 'r scorpions 'round heer, an' since Daddy put in the fancy new indoor plummin', li'l brother ain't gotta be tha water bearer no more. So we figgered we'd sen' y'all sum new signs y'all can use that'll work real nice. Heer ya're:
The New Signs
OKRA
Dec. 22 - Jan 20
Tho' y'all look like crud, yer really very slick on the inside. Okra holds lotsa sway, 'n a'Okra old-timer can look back over his life an' see the seeds'a his sway ever'where. Stay 'way from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Chitlins often come from humble beginnin's. Mucha tha time they ain't comf'table talkin' 'bout jes where they come from. A chitlin, can make sumthin' of his self if'n he's motuhvated an' has plentya seas'nin'. When it comes to dealin' with Chitlins, be careful. Chitlins'r best with Catfish an' Okra. 'Member that when marryin' time rolls around.
BOLL WEEVIL
Feb 20 - March 20
Y'all have an overwhelmin' curios'ty. Y'all ain't satisfied with tha surface-a thangs, an' ya'll feel tha need ta bore deep inta tha innerds-a ever'thing. Anyways, y'all are real n'tense an' driven like y'all had some inner hunger. Ain't nobody in thar right mind gonna marry you, so don't fret none over that.
Moon Pie
March 21 - April 20
Ya'll'er tha type that spends alotta time own tha front porch. Enybody can spot the looks of tha Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" 'r tha key words heer. Y'all should marry enybody who y'all can get even-a bit iner'sted 'n tha idee-er. It's not gonna be easy. This might be tha year ta thank 'bout them thar airee-obicks -- er mehbe not.
POSSUM
April 21 - May 21
When ya'll'r faced with troubles, y'all tend ta stay 'way from folks an' getta "don't-mess-wid-me" way 'boutcha. Sometimes y'all get so drawed up, folks thank y'all'r dead. This 'proach is prolly not good for ya'll's head, but it seems ta work for y'all. One day, it might not work, an' then ya'll may find yer prollems acshully runnin' ya'over.
CRAWDAD
May 22 - June 21
Crawdad's is a wahter sign. If y'all work ina office, y'all'r always hangin' round the indoor spicket. Crawdad's like the river over mountains, the wadin' pool over the golf course, and the tub to the livin' room. Y'all tend not ta look all that purty.
COLLARDS
June 22 - July 23
Collards have-a nack fer talkin'. They love ta get'n the "meltin' pot o' life" and share thar essences with tha essences-a them around 'em. Collards make good soshal workers, sighkolojists, an' baseball managers. As far's yer pers'nal life goes, if y'all are Collards, stay 'way from Moon Pies.
CATFISH
July 24 - August 23
Catfish are trudishnalists in matters-a th'heart, with one excepshun: wiskers may cause prollems fer yer loved ones. Y'all catfish ain't easy folks to unnerstand. Y'all like tha muddy bottoms 'stead of th'clear surfaces-a life. 'Bove all else, Catfish awta stay 'way from Moon Pies.
GRITS
August 24 - September 23
Y'all's highes' aim ista be with folks like ya'self. Y'all like ta huddle tagether with a big ol' crowd-a uther grits. Y'all love ta travel, tho, so mehbe y'all should thank 'bout joinin' a club. Where d'y'all like ta go? Anywheres they have cheese, or gravy, or bacon, or butter, or eggs. If ya'll can go somewheres where they have all them thangs, that'll do.
BOIILED PEANUTS
September 24 - October 23
Y'all have a dee-sire to hep yer feller man. But those that know'd ya'll best -- yer friends'n loved ones -- may fine that y'all's personal'ty is too salty, an' thar cracks will prolly get ta y'all down deep in yer innerds cuz y'all'r really softer than y'all look. Y'all should go right ahead an' marry enybody y'all want to cuz ina way, y'all's is a charmed life. On the road-a life, y'all can be sure that folks will always pull over an' stop for ya.
BUTTER BEAN
October 24 - November 22
Always invite a Butter Bean cuz Butter Beans get along well with ever'body. Y'all, as tha Butter Bean, should be rite proud! Y'all've grow'd on tha vine of life an' y'all feel at home no matter where y'all'r at. Y'all can sit next-a enybody -- 'cept, ya'll shouldn't have nuthin' ta do with Moon Pies either.
ARMADILLO
November 23 - December 21
Y'all tend-ta have tuff outsides, but y'all'r acshully quite gentle. A good eve'nin' for ya'all? Ol' friends, sum roots, fruit, worms an' bugs. Y'all'r a tho'back. Y'all ain't troubled by today's fashuns an' trends. Y'all ain't bothered with enything 'bout today. Y'all'r really almost like dino-sowers in yer manner an' ways. Y'all prolly wanna marry anuther Armadillo, but Possum is a nuther mating poss'bil'ty.
So, shuger, whut's yer sign?
It's purty clear to us S'uthuners that y'all's astruhlojickal signs ain't fittin' fer us down heer. Now, when I'm out in my pick-up it's true I do see lotsa bulls, and once in a great while I s'pose I've even seed a Ram or two, but mosta us good ol' boys drive Fords'n Chevy's. Up the street yonder from me there's sum twins, but I don't see 'em 'round much, cuz Farmer Brown only lets his daughters date travelin' salesmen. The resta them thangs'r jus too weird -- well ... Billy Joe got the crabs one time, but that's jes cuz he dated Jimmy Ray's cousin, not'is own. We ain't got no lions 'r scorpions 'round heer, an' since Daddy put in the fancy new indoor plummin', li'l brother ain't gotta be tha water bearer no more. So we figgered we'd sen' y'all sum new signs y'all can use that'll work real nice. Heer ya're:
The New Signs
OKRA
Dec. 22 - Jan 20
Tho' y'all look like crud, yer really very slick on the inside. Okra holds lotsa sway, 'n a'Okra old-timer can look back over his life an' see the seeds'a his sway ever'where. Stay 'way from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Chitlins often come from humble beginnin's. Mucha tha time they ain't comf'table talkin' 'bout jes where they come from. A chitlin, can make sumthin' of his self if'n he's motuhvated an' has plentya seas'nin'. When it comes to dealin' with Chitlins, be careful. Chitlins'r best with Catfish an' Okra. 'Member that when marryin' time rolls around.
BOLL WEEVIL
Feb 20 - March 20
Y'all have an overwhelmin' curios'ty. Y'all ain't satisfied with tha surface-a thangs, an' ya'll feel tha need ta bore deep inta tha innerds-a ever'thing. Anyways, y'all are real n'tense an' driven like y'all had some inner hunger. Ain't nobody in thar right mind gonna marry you, so don't fret none over that.
Moon Pie
March 21 - April 20
Ya'll'er tha type that spends alotta time own tha front porch. Enybody can spot the looks of tha Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" 'r tha key words heer. Y'all should marry enybody who y'all can get even-a bit iner'sted 'n tha idee-er. It's not gonna be easy. This might be tha year ta thank 'bout them thar airee-obicks -- er mehbe not.
POSSUM
April 21 - May 21
When ya'll'r faced with troubles, y'all tend ta stay 'way from folks an' getta "don't-mess-wid-me" way 'boutcha. Sometimes y'all get so drawed up, folks thank y'all'r dead. This 'proach is prolly not good for ya'll's head, but it seems ta work for y'all. One day, it might not work, an' then ya'll may find yer prollems acshully runnin' ya'over.
CRAWDAD
May 22 - June 21
Crawdad's is a wahter sign. If y'all work ina office, y'all'r always hangin' round the indoor spicket. Crawdad's like the river over mountains, the wadin' pool over the golf course, and the tub to the livin' room. Y'all tend not ta look all that purty.
COLLARDS
June 22 - July 23
Collards have-a nack fer talkin'. They love ta get'n the "meltin' pot o' life" and share thar essences with tha essences-a them around 'em. Collards make good soshal workers, sighkolojists, an' baseball managers. As far's yer pers'nal life goes, if y'all are Collards, stay 'way from Moon Pies.
CATFISH
July 24 - August 23
Catfish are trudishnalists in matters-a th'heart, with one excepshun: wiskers may cause prollems fer yer loved ones. Y'all catfish ain't easy folks to unnerstand. Y'all like tha muddy bottoms 'stead of th'clear surfaces-a life. 'Bove all else, Catfish awta stay 'way from Moon Pies.
GRITS
August 24 - September 23
Y'all's highes' aim ista be with folks like ya'self. Y'all like ta huddle tagether with a big ol' crowd-a uther grits. Y'all love ta travel, tho, so mehbe y'all should thank 'bout joinin' a club. Where d'y'all like ta go? Anywheres they have cheese, or gravy, or bacon, or butter, or eggs. If ya'll can go somewheres where they have all them thangs, that'll do.
BOIILED PEANUTS
September 24 - October 23
Y'all have a dee-sire to hep yer feller man. But those that know'd ya'll best -- yer friends'n loved ones -- may fine that y'all's personal'ty is too salty, an' thar cracks will prolly get ta y'all down deep in yer innerds cuz y'all'r really softer than y'all look. Y'all should go right ahead an' marry enybody y'all want to cuz ina way, y'all's is a charmed life. On the road-a life, y'all can be sure that folks will always pull over an' stop for ya.
BUTTER BEAN
October 24 - November 22
Always invite a Butter Bean cuz Butter Beans get along well with ever'body. Y'all, as tha Butter Bean, should be rite proud! Y'all've grow'd on tha vine of life an' y'all feel at home no matter where y'all'r at. Y'all can sit next-a enybody -- 'cept, ya'll shouldn't have nuthin' ta do with Moon Pies either.
ARMADILLO
November 23 - December 21
Y'all tend-ta have tuff outsides, but y'all'r acshully quite gentle. A good eve'nin' for ya'all? Ol' friends, sum roots, fruit, worms an' bugs. Y'all'r a tho'back. Y'all ain't troubled by today's fashuns an' trends. Y'all ain't bothered with enything 'bout today. Y'all'r really almost like dino-sowers in yer manner an' ways. Y'all prolly wanna marry anuther Armadillo, but Possum is a nuther mating poss'bil'ty.
So, shuger, whut's yer sign?