Redneck Haiku

[The_Sonarman]

Redneck Haiku

BEAUTY

Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps

REMORSE

A painful sadness
Cain't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door

OPTIONS

Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can git on
Disability

MOTHER AND CHILD

Crusted in boogers,
Stained with Kool-Aid, baby has face
Only Mama loves

BLAZE

Distant siren screams
Dumbass Verne’s been mowing with
Gasoline again

A NEW MOON

Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers can be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs

EXUBERANCE

Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil

ALONE

Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files fer
Restraining order

DESIRE

Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost fergit
That you're my cousin

HATRED

I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
Goddamn Jeff Gordon

OFFERINGS

Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Robert Tilton

DRAMA

Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
Starts at 9 O'Clock

DEPRIVED

In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants rasslin' doll
Mama whups his ass

NO SIGNAL

White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; the satellite dish
needs new descrambler

IMPOUNDED

Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino

GATHERING

In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man

PRIDE

Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans that
Fill his pickup bed

ENIGMA

Rusty paradox
Half Camaro, half Trans-Am
Yet it will not run

[PrezLeefun]

EXUBERANCE

Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil

No wonder we have an oil crisis.

[Wyatt_Junker]

DESIRE

Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost fergit
That you're my cousin



:devilange

[DoctorDoom]

You know your church is redneck if...

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

People ask (when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000) whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

Baptism is referred to as "branding."

There is a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The baptismal is a #2 galvanized washtub.

The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.