Student/Teacher Relationships: When It Goes Too Far

[PrezLeefun]

Student/Teacher Relationships: When It Goes Too Far


Now we can all agree that gossip is a destructive thing. However they (whoever the hell they are) say that there is always a bit of truth in it.

As many of you know by now I attend an all girls school. And I have said that I have a number of younger male teachers. I am sure you can all see where this is going. Rumor is, one teacher of mine (a favorite) is having a highly unethical relationship with a student. This student is about my age.

So here is the question if the rumor is true, is the teacher a crimminal or is this a bad error in judgement?

[Peachdiane]

How old are you Prez? 17? IIRC it isn't a crime when the girl is 17 or maybe it varies by state. Anyway it really depends on the girl and teacher. Personally at 17 a relationship with a teacher was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to get through school!!!

[PrezLeefun]

I am 17 but the girl in question is sixteen. And the teacher is 27.

[Wolfcounsel]

The teacher needs to pull his head out of his ass and start treating the girl as a student, and not a girlfriend. The girl needs to pull HER head out of her ass also.

[PrezLeefun]

But is this man a crimminal? Should someone take legal action against him?

[Peachdiane]

If she's 16 then yes it's a crime...

[Faithful_Servant]

PLF, this rapist needs to go away. As hard as it sounds, you need to make someone aware of this and bring this b*****d to justice.

[S-T]

Crime or not, he needs to be fired. Report it to the principal and/or the school board.

[PrezLeefun]

I cant S-T...its a rumor. and in doing so, if this is false I would have violated the trust of teacher I happen to ( under normal circumstances) like very much. I dont want to say anything bad about him without certainty.

[TheBeast]

Isn't it illegal to have student-teacher relations anyway?

It's definitely a sackable offence over here, at any rate.

[DesertFox]

It's sackable here, too. If it's with a minor, it's criminal.

But Prez is right: She must be absolutely sure. I lost my job when a girl accused me of sexual harassment. I was subsequently completely exonerated, but meanwhile my whole world got turned upside down.

[Teenager]

Hmmmm, Prez, why don't you just go upfront and ask the teacher in front of the class,
"Do you have a crush with this girl?".

See how he reacts. But before that, ask the girl first. If you ask the people in question, it clears things up lot easier, otherwise you can have rumors which can sometimes be hurtful. Best of luck! :)

[PrezLeefun]

hell no thats disrespectful, i would never do that! I dont even know the girl well enough to say anything like that without getting trashed.

[Teenager]

Oh, well sorry then. I geuss it is disrespectful. But I don't know any other way to clear a rumor than to ask the people in question.

[PrezLeefun]

Well i could never just do that. it would be wrong.

[DesertFox]

Leave a sealed, typed, unsigned letter addressed to him (on or in his desk, or in his in-box in the teacher's distribution center) that says something to this effect: "It is widely rumored around school that you are having an affair with ________. Just wanted you to know." That might at least wake him up.

Be sure to spell everything correctly. I have noticed that you misspell a number of words the same way every time. That could give you away.

[PrezLeefun]

my internet grammer is not great. However my real grammer is quite good. And for now I am going to leave it alone. I no longer think it is true.

[DesertFox]

Prez, if the rumor is going around, especially if untrue, that guy needs to know. So does the girl.

[SmellyFed]

I taught 6th, 7th and 8th grade Social Studies. I was somewhat shocked the first day I walked in - some of these 7th grade girls were dressed up with full makeup and the whole bit.

In some cases, they pretty much looked like a grown up woman.

But then you had a conversation with them and it was abundantly clear, these girls were just that... girls. Playing dress up. Mentally, that hadn't arrived.

As a teacher, you have to separate your brain from your eyeballs and realize that there is an ethical boundry there that must never be crossed. You have to realize that despite outward appearances, that is a child.. someone elses child no-less who has entrusted you with their safety and well-being.

As the grades increase, the child grows up of course. A 17 year old is more or less a man/woman - in some cases more then others. There is still however that ethical boundry that should not be crossed - regardless of the circumstances.

If it's difficult to reconcile yourself with ethical boundries, you have no business being a teacher.

Unfortunately, we're a nation that ignores personal responsibility. We don't teach it and we don't model it so we shouldn't be surprised that there are so many young teachers who don't live by it.

[PrezLeefun]

What I think is not relevent. I'm staying out of it.

[DesertFox]

You're just going to stand by and watch. If somebody gets hurt, or if nobody gets hurt, it's all the same to you, right? "None of your business"?

My mistake, then. I thought you had more courage than that, especially when you've been shown how to handle it, without personally involving yourself, in a way that might head off disasters for both that teacher and that girl.

[PrezLeefun]

Look, i dont know any facts and the way i was rasied if you are not sure then it is not your place to say anything. besides i dont think it is true any longer and my school is not buzzing with it. If I think it is going in that diection then i will say something.