You're from Texas if...

[The_Sonarman]

You're from Texas if...........

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.

2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are just sissies.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

10. You measure distance in minutes.

11. You refer to the capital of Texas as "home of the Longhorns."

12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash (or space shuttle).

13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

18. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

19. A bad traffic tie up involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

20. You know which state Miam-uh is in.......and which states Miam-ee is in.

21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

22. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.

23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.

24. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

25. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

26. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.

27. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

[UnkHiram]

You're from Texas if...........

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.



Yup, some of them Yankees cant even figure out how to say Olney



2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are just sissies.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.



did that today



6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.



Specially in August



7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

10. You measure distance in minutes.



It's an hour to Dallas from my house, an hour and a half to the Ballpark in Arlington



11. You refer to the capital of Texas as "home of the Longhorns."

12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash (or space shuttle).

13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.


Dont everyone?



16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.



ROFL, I know quite a few folks that did.



18. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.



I have one of those belt buckles


19. A bad traffic tie up involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

20. You know which state Miam-uh is in.......and which states Miam-ee is in.

21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.



Yup, dont every store have those thangs



22. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.

23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.

24. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

25. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

26. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.

27. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

My Ex-Step Father was a yankee from Wisconsin, I used to drive him crazy with that.

[TheRealLobo]

You're from Texas if...........

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.


Decatur, Waco, Palestine all have two syllables. Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia have 3. Amarillo has three, and the "lls" sound like "lls". NO ONE knows how to pronounce Waxahachie...

2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are just sissies.

Boy howdy

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

Ain't it?

4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

Nope...in Texas, the tractor (or anything moving slower than you) will move over to the shoulder to let you pass. A Miss America wave, or three flashes of the blinkers will thank them.



5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

Usually starting in May

6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

Usually starting in August

7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.


What the HALE is a "bag"?


8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

Only if further removed than 1st cousin.


9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

They do!

10. You measure distance in minutes.

Actually, I've had my speedometer calibrated to "furlongs per fortnight".

11. You refer to the capital of Texas as "home of the Longhorns."

Why not?

12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash (or space shuttle).

So does Californeee

13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

Wearin' bib ov'ralls at the funereal.


14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.


Ocean is for sissies. No mocassins.

15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.



You don't?


16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

Yeah, but we don't let on to the yankees.

17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.


Hale, Mrs Lobo and I did.


18. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
SomeONE? Hale...I know some twenty or so.


19. A bad traffic tie up involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

Used to have a contest in town. Everyone played, no one won. You pretended to be broke down on the side of the road. The winner was one who had a yankee stop to help. NO one collected.


27. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

Hale...have been on in on half of it.

Interesting anectdote.

Drove to Pittsburgh to visit relatives that didn't know better one year for Christmas. Stopped at a McDonalds. Asked for a Big Mac, Large Fries and a Large, Sweet, Iced tea. Young lady looks at me (wearing a black Stetson, Ropers, and a Texas accent as thick as the lovebugs in September), and stutters..."sir, we don''t serve iced tea in the winter time". Then I asked for a Coke, and she brought me a real Coke. I was pissed, but I understood. I expect they harldy serve Dr Pepper there in the winter either.

[Faithful_Servant]

You're from Texas if...........

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.

Easy stuff. Try Deschutes, Molalla, Willamette or just for once in your God forsaken life OREGON!

2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are just sissies.
You haven't seen wind until you see semis pulled over in the Columbia Gorge because they can't afford the fuel fight the wind.


3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

I'll give you that one. We just go out watch the forests burn.


4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

Our idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars behind a motor home from Texas


5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

Been snowed on at a 4th of July parade, seen last nights snow burn off when the temp hit 75 in the afternoon, so I'd say that's a big "yep"


6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

..or how clear the path through the snow is, or how shallow the mud puddles are.


7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

50/50


8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

Oh yeah. Bibs and Carharts galore.


9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

We think everyone has an accent.


10. You measure distance in minutes.

Hmmm.... On the east side of the state we measure distance in hours


11. You refer to the capital of Texas as "home of the Longhorns."

We refer to capital of Oregon as that hole in the middle of the Valley (that's the Willamette River valley)


12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash (or space shuttle).

Our local airfield is named after a guy who specialized in shooting down planes.


13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

For special occasions, we add pineapple chunks.


14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

That's gotta be a Texas thing, we go to the Lake to catch BIG fish (bigger than 8 lbs 2 oz.)


15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

Take a coat, a pair of shorts and an extra pair of shoes, and you don't have to worry about the weather.


16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

We know what they're made of, we also know what they're made for; namely throwing at the neighbor kids.


17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

Amazingly enough, I do. They planned to get married and spend their second night together at the Ducks/Beavs game.


18. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

Just a couple of world champion team ropers.


19. A bad traffic tie up involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

Around here it's more of blank stare wondering why no ones going first...


20. You know which state Miam-uh is in.......and which states Miam-ee is in.

That must be one those Eastern things...


21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

It used to be you were surprised when you didn't.


22. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.

??? Wheels?? How about saw horses and a couple of railroad ties?

23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.
This is Mopar country around here. The true status symbol is Cummins turbo diesel.


24. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

Strawberries don't, but other than that...


25. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

Multiply???


26. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.

Yep.



27. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

Another one I've gotta give ya.


Except for the small fish in Texas, it sounds like most Texans would be right at home here in the Eastern half of Oregon. Yall come and visit some time, I'll save some bait fish for you so you don't feel too intimidated.

[The_Fireman]

You can also prove you're from Texas, if you have a brand on you that looks just like a seat belt buckle.

[The_Sonarman]

You Know You're From Oregon When...

Your children learned to walk in Birkenstocks.

You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty.

You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid.

You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else.

You consider something a "hill" (not a mountain) if it doesn't have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude.

You consider "etiquette" a foreign word.

Most of your friends are from California.

You find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner.

You used to live somewhere else but won't admit it publicly.

You've ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande with sugar-free cranberry whip (or you know what it is).

You know a bride & groom that registered at REI.

If someone ran your car off the highway, you might drown.

You'd be miffed if the store was out of your favorite brand of water.

Every day is casual Friday.

Hear the word "ferry" and think of boats and long waits.

Know at least eight people who work for Intel or Nike, or used to work for Tektronix.

You think skiing always means being covered from head to toe, in snow or water.

Know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind.

Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

You return from a California vacation depressed because “all the grass was dead.”

Remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power and phone service for every winter weather event in the last five years.

Have ever called your insurance agent to ask if your homeowner’s policy covers falling trees, flooding, or mud slides

You never go camping without waterproof matches, ponchos, and mattress pads that double as flotation devices.

You believe swimming is not a sport but a survival skill to prevent boating deaths.

You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have the names of microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them.

You think downtown is "scary" because you were panhandled there, once.

You replace your hiking boots with Birkenstock or Teva sandals when the weather gets above 60 degrees.

You believe people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Oregon.