Warlady
04-20-2005, 04:51 PM
OLD AGE
The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I
was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my
reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it
was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.
Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time
in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body!
I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, skin
spots and bumps, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by
that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over
those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving
family, for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've
become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become
my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or
for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I
didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to
overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear
friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great
freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 AM, and sleep until
noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's,
and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I
will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging
body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get
old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is
just as well forgotten -- and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray,
and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep groove on
my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before
their hair could turn silver. I can say "no," and mean it. I can say
"yes," and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive.
You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself
anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I
like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but
while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could
have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day!
The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I
was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my
reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it
was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.
Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time
in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body!
I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, skin
spots and bumps, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by
that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over
those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving
family, for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've
become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become
my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or
for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I
didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to
overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear
friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great
freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 AM, and sleep until
noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's,
and if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I
will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging
body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get
old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is
just as well forgotten -- and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray,
and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep groove on
my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before
their hair could turn silver. I can say "no," and mean it. I can say
"yes," and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive.
You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself
anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I
like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but
while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could
have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day!