Pendragon_6
09-29-2005, 11:25 AM
By: William Kaliher
Note to Readers: Reading Kaliher backwards has proven to be more educationally enlightening than reading the New York Times.
Today’s column is dedicated to Jesse Jackson, Jesse Jr., Al Sharpton, and Howard Dean in honor of being the most divisive humans and vile racists among us. I believe in saluting bottom feeders that feast off, not just the misery of the poor but also the bloated corpses of African-Americans.
This column contains the proof concerning Katrina liberal Democrats have longed for. It’s just a shame the great journalist Jason Blair was fired and Dan Rather and Peter Jennings have passed away. (Don’t argue—Dan’s dead.) No doubt those propagandists could have done something with the investigative work I’ve recently completed. You conservative and libertarian readers have long thought I was one of you. Instead, I’ve been the proverbial preying mantis in a butterfly’s clothing. I’ve been operating as a secret agent loyal to Michael Moore. I wormed my way into the White House inner circle and can now directly report on how the Bush team caused the problems from Katrina. The facts and nothing but the facts follow:
Briefing room, at Crawford, Texas, unknown aid. "The National Hurricane Center says Katrina is heading for Texas."
"Hell Condi, how we going to kill any New Orleans coons if that happens?"
"I jez don’t know George. Let us ask Karl Rove."
Rove stopped scratching his nuts long enough to say, "It will interfere with me polluting the drinking water of children in Montana today but I got a plan George. You leave it to me, while you, Condi and Dick get ready to slip into New Orleans. But you better hurry, for I’ll have Katrina heading straight for the city in a couple of hours."
Ms. Rice hesitating before taking a bite of her baloney sandwich said, "George, can we ask Justice Thomas and General Powell to accompany us on this trip? They’re good Republicans and hate spear-chuckers just as much as white, yellow, red and dem Hispanic Republicans does."
"You reckon as much?"
"Mo’ George, even mo’. You know they grew up with the black experience. Can’t nobody hate a black man, woman or chil as much as someone growing up in the black experience."
"It’s true George," Karl Rove said while exposing himself to the poor overworked, non-unionized seventy-six-year-old maid bringing in the morning’s cocktails. "Every black Republican took the required ‘I hate darkies’ pledge to be a Republican."
"Well okay, long as they’re seeped in hate and racism they can come along."
"I wouldn’t ask Powell," Dick Cheney said while admiring Rove’s exposed manhood. He’s a bipartisan hater you know. First thing he’ll want to do is invite Robert ‘Sheets" Byrd along."
"Youse sho’ right bout dat bro," Condi said chewing a mouthful of white bread and baloney with mayo.
"Okay, get the chinks and wetbacks from the cabinet to join us. They’ve been working far too hard. Time to take them on a little lark."
As soon as Karl zipped up Cheney remarked, "Damn George, it seems you like having a good time. I bet you were pure heck during your college years."
"College wasn’t nothing Dick. I had my real fun working as a male stripper while everyone thought I was serving in the Alabama National Guard."
Two hours later:
Karl Rove made Dick Rumsfeld stop pulling the wings off of flies and had him walk slowly down the highway before the Cindy Sheehan nuthouse collection. The sycophant media hungrily awaiting Cindy’s next blasphemy or non sequitur was temporarily stunned. However, it didn’t take two minutes for the Cindy menagerie to become so outraged and the media representatives to each flash hundreds of birds at Rumsfeld than Crawford became a heated and expanding high-pressure area.
Thirty Minutes later:
While loading onto the Presidential plane the National Hurricane Center called.
Karl Rove took the call and modestly shouted, "Mr. President, the hurricane forecaster just called. He said an unexpected high pressure over Texas has turned Katrina straight toward New Orleans."
"Hot diggity-dog," George Bush sang before adding, "Karl, you something, boy."
"Hey what kind of Air Force One is this," Justice Thomas asked. "Paper plates and plastic forks!"
Bush glared at the Justice and said, "Drop in on Hillary sometime if you want the fine silverware and fine china."
Justice Thomas grumbled to himself, "Damn, I can’t eat no watermelon off a damn paper plate."
The little group landed at a top secret CIA base known as Area 52 1/2 just outside New Orleans. They functioned with military precision knowing they had to act fast to frame the black mayor of New Orleans and the crying, Democrat governor of Louisiana. Each of them loaded into separate gas guzzling Humvees and raced, one another, into town and down Canal Street in search of the mayor’s office.
The svelte Supreme Court Justice Thomas exited his idling vehicle, pried the town hall window and slipped in. A moment later he had Mayor Nagin hog-tied and signaled the notorious collection of female, child, environments, poor people and animal abusers to come on in. Not a word was said. George Bush sat down and Dick Rumsfeld immediately started applying Kiwi black boot polish to his exposed skin.
A moment later, a black-faced G.W. was on his knee singing "Mammy, oh my little Mammy." Mayor Nagin stared with horrified eyes but still managed to hum along through the gag over his mouth.
Condi, slapped Bush up side the head and said, "Damn, dat b the worstus Al Jolsen I ever did heard. Now git yo-self up and let us’ns b bout business."
It was at that point Bush impersonated Nagin on the front steps and whispered, "Evacuate the city."
Once back inside he asked, "We got that Japanese girl wired up on a barge to blow the levee?"
"George, I’ve told you before, that cabinet member isn’t Japanese," Karl Rove said.
"She’s oriental ain’t she?" George shot back. "Close enough for kamikaze work in my book."
Satisfied the city buses were out of use they freed Mayor Nagin to take the fall, jumped in their Humvees and headed back to Area 52 1/2.
"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."
Ether Zone (http://www.etherzone.com/2005/kali092805.shtml)
William Kaliher is a free-lance political columnist and a staff writer for the Ether Zone.
He can be reached at wkaliher@mindspring.com
Note to Readers: Reading Kaliher backwards has proven to be more educationally enlightening than reading the New York Times.
Today’s column is dedicated to Jesse Jackson, Jesse Jr., Al Sharpton, and Howard Dean in honor of being the most divisive humans and vile racists among us. I believe in saluting bottom feeders that feast off, not just the misery of the poor but also the bloated corpses of African-Americans.
This column contains the proof concerning Katrina liberal Democrats have longed for. It’s just a shame the great journalist Jason Blair was fired and Dan Rather and Peter Jennings have passed away. (Don’t argue—Dan’s dead.) No doubt those propagandists could have done something with the investigative work I’ve recently completed. You conservative and libertarian readers have long thought I was one of you. Instead, I’ve been the proverbial preying mantis in a butterfly’s clothing. I’ve been operating as a secret agent loyal to Michael Moore. I wormed my way into the White House inner circle and can now directly report on how the Bush team caused the problems from Katrina. The facts and nothing but the facts follow:
Briefing room, at Crawford, Texas, unknown aid. "The National Hurricane Center says Katrina is heading for Texas."
"Hell Condi, how we going to kill any New Orleans coons if that happens?"
"I jez don’t know George. Let us ask Karl Rove."
Rove stopped scratching his nuts long enough to say, "It will interfere with me polluting the drinking water of children in Montana today but I got a plan George. You leave it to me, while you, Condi and Dick get ready to slip into New Orleans. But you better hurry, for I’ll have Katrina heading straight for the city in a couple of hours."
Ms. Rice hesitating before taking a bite of her baloney sandwich said, "George, can we ask Justice Thomas and General Powell to accompany us on this trip? They’re good Republicans and hate spear-chuckers just as much as white, yellow, red and dem Hispanic Republicans does."
"You reckon as much?"
"Mo’ George, even mo’. You know they grew up with the black experience. Can’t nobody hate a black man, woman or chil as much as someone growing up in the black experience."
"It’s true George," Karl Rove said while exposing himself to the poor overworked, non-unionized seventy-six-year-old maid bringing in the morning’s cocktails. "Every black Republican took the required ‘I hate darkies’ pledge to be a Republican."
"Well okay, long as they’re seeped in hate and racism they can come along."
"I wouldn’t ask Powell," Dick Cheney said while admiring Rove’s exposed manhood. He’s a bipartisan hater you know. First thing he’ll want to do is invite Robert ‘Sheets" Byrd along."
"Youse sho’ right bout dat bro," Condi said chewing a mouthful of white bread and baloney with mayo.
"Okay, get the chinks and wetbacks from the cabinet to join us. They’ve been working far too hard. Time to take them on a little lark."
As soon as Karl zipped up Cheney remarked, "Damn George, it seems you like having a good time. I bet you were pure heck during your college years."
"College wasn’t nothing Dick. I had my real fun working as a male stripper while everyone thought I was serving in the Alabama National Guard."
Two hours later:
Karl Rove made Dick Rumsfeld stop pulling the wings off of flies and had him walk slowly down the highway before the Cindy Sheehan nuthouse collection. The sycophant media hungrily awaiting Cindy’s next blasphemy or non sequitur was temporarily stunned. However, it didn’t take two minutes for the Cindy menagerie to become so outraged and the media representatives to each flash hundreds of birds at Rumsfeld than Crawford became a heated and expanding high-pressure area.
Thirty Minutes later:
While loading onto the Presidential plane the National Hurricane Center called.
Karl Rove took the call and modestly shouted, "Mr. President, the hurricane forecaster just called. He said an unexpected high pressure over Texas has turned Katrina straight toward New Orleans."
"Hot diggity-dog," George Bush sang before adding, "Karl, you something, boy."
"Hey what kind of Air Force One is this," Justice Thomas asked. "Paper plates and plastic forks!"
Bush glared at the Justice and said, "Drop in on Hillary sometime if you want the fine silverware and fine china."
Justice Thomas grumbled to himself, "Damn, I can’t eat no watermelon off a damn paper plate."
The little group landed at a top secret CIA base known as Area 52 1/2 just outside New Orleans. They functioned with military precision knowing they had to act fast to frame the black mayor of New Orleans and the crying, Democrat governor of Louisiana. Each of them loaded into separate gas guzzling Humvees and raced, one another, into town and down Canal Street in search of the mayor’s office.
The svelte Supreme Court Justice Thomas exited his idling vehicle, pried the town hall window and slipped in. A moment later he had Mayor Nagin hog-tied and signaled the notorious collection of female, child, environments, poor people and animal abusers to come on in. Not a word was said. George Bush sat down and Dick Rumsfeld immediately started applying Kiwi black boot polish to his exposed skin.
A moment later, a black-faced G.W. was on his knee singing "Mammy, oh my little Mammy." Mayor Nagin stared with horrified eyes but still managed to hum along through the gag over his mouth.
Condi, slapped Bush up side the head and said, "Damn, dat b the worstus Al Jolsen I ever did heard. Now git yo-self up and let us’ns b bout business."
It was at that point Bush impersonated Nagin on the front steps and whispered, "Evacuate the city."
Once back inside he asked, "We got that Japanese girl wired up on a barge to blow the levee?"
"George, I’ve told you before, that cabinet member isn’t Japanese," Karl Rove said.
"She’s oriental ain’t she?" George shot back. "Close enough for kamikaze work in my book."
Satisfied the city buses were out of use they freed Mayor Nagin to take the fall, jumped in their Humvees and headed back to Area 52 1/2.
"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."
Ether Zone (http://www.etherzone.com/2005/kali092805.shtml)
William Kaliher is a free-lance political columnist and a staff writer for the Ether Zone.
He can be reached at wkaliher@mindspring.com