Timberwolf
10-04-2005, 12:26 PM
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<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>on, the class was over.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>"No peer pressure."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But,<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>thank God, I still have my driver's license.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger><?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger><?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily><?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>a week."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>sharp as it used to be.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body <?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>are just prone to swinging.
<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>---I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>relief."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>child playing with matches.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>because you stop laughing.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>to tell the difference.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>on, the class was over.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>"No peer pressure."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But,<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>thank God, I still have my driver's license.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger><?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger><?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily><?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>a week."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>sharp as it used to be.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body <?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>are just prone to swinging.
<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>---I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>relief."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>child playing with matches.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>because you stop laughing.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>
<?fontfamily><?param Arial=><?x-tad-bigger>---THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight<?/x-tad-bigger><?color><?param 0000,0000,FFFF=><?x-tad-bigger> <?/x-tad-bigger><?/color><?x-tad-bigger>to tell the difference.<?/x-tad-bigger><?/fontfamily>