Timberwolf
10-05-2005, 11:16 AM
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
<O:pA sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”<O:p
A dyslexic man walks into a rab.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”<O:p</O:p
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s Not Unusual.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pAn invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pDeja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pA man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Just because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pApparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so one of them must be Chinese. It’s either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho Chin. But I’m pretty sure it’s Calvin.<O:p</O:p
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pI went to the butcher’s the other day and offered to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “I won’t bet. The steaks are too high.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pA man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!"<O:p</O:p
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pTwo Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pWhat do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pTwo termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”<O:p</O:p
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
<O:pA sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”<O:p
A dyslexic man walks into a rab.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”<O:p</O:p
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s Not Unusual.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pAn invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pDeja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pA man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Just because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pApparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so one of them must be Chinese. It’s either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho Chin. But I’m pretty sure it’s Calvin.<O:p</O:p
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pI went to the butcher’s the other day and offered to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “I won’t bet. The steaks are too high.”<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pA man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!"<O:p</O:p
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pTwo Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pWhat do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:pTwo termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”<O:p</O:p