Death in Family: Prayer and Advice is Needed

[PrezLeefun]

Hello Guys,

I am most aggreived to be the bearer of yet more bad news. Its seems every time I ask prayer of you it is always something quite bad. My Aunt Carol died this evening of a sudden and massive heart attack.

She is my father's sister and to be frank I was not at all close with that side of my family. Although I am saddened and shocked by her death I don't beleive my reaction is what it should be. Somehow I think I should cry a little more or at least muster up the courage to call my cousin with whom I have not spoke to in months.

I feel guilty that I had not made the effort to visit more, to at least give a few calls over the phone, or try to think of them more often. If I were a stranger looking in at myself I would say I am a cold person.

Because I have made no effort to maintain or strengthen my relationship with my grandmother and cousin I don't know what I should say to them.

Can anyone help me offer words of comfort?

[PrezLeefun]

please guys

[Teenager]

Prez, I very sorry to hear this. It must be hard. I don't want to tell you what to say, simply because I don't know what to say. However, I ask that God would stregthen you and guide through this process.

Prayers sent.

[PrezLeefun]

thank you hon.

[BEST45CAL]

If you didn't really know her when she was alive, then you shouldn't expect to feel differently than you do now. What you're feeling now is normal. Doesn't matter if it's a family member or not. You probably didn't know her any better than someone who was on television or in the movies.

We can only truly grieve for the ones we really knew, loved, and felt great affection for. Those who grieve do so out of a true loss. They know their loved one will never come back. You can't expect to grieve for someone who's been essentially a stranger to you. Nobody could.

As for what to say, just say what strangers have said to me at funerals: "God bless you." That's it. That's also what I say when I go to funerals and I don't know the grieving family members. Three little words. That's it.

Don't ever feel pressured to express grief that you don't have. If you did, then you'd be nothing but a fraud. However, do express your sympathy toward the ones who grieve in your presence. Give them a hug. Smile warmly. Show you care. That's the best thing you can do and they wouldn't expect you to do more than that.

[Charity]

Prez I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
My prayers are with you and your family.

[Melz]

Prez, the fact that you feel even guilty for your emotions not taking over as you believe they should have shows that you are a caring soul..that is nothing to be ashamed for. I do offer prayer to you and your family, but certainly no one expects a certain "reaction" out of you. God doesn't do that, Jesus doesn't. Certainly do not worry what a stranger looking in would feel.

You deal with the loss of a family member in your own way, and it seems you are putting yourself thru enough guilt to make up for any lack of reaction ..

Just be closer to the family around you at a time like this. I know that something like this at least puts one in the position to realize the fragile nature of life..

You are doing good hun, God bless you and your family, prayers are with you.

[Wolfcounsel]

May she rest in peace, and tell her loved ones to keep her in their hearts.

[PrezLeefun]

thanx guys.

[UhUhNoWay]

Prez, So sorry for your family's loss. I think the best thing you can do is be there for your cousin & grandmother now, just be straight with them, you feel uncomfortable because you haven't been around, sorry it's taken something like this to contact them, but you are there for them now. Perhaps this will be a positive, and you can grow closer to both your cousin and your grandmother. These days, I imagine it's very common to lose touch with extended family, so I don't think you are cold or uncaring. If you want to change that, here is your opportunity. Don't beat yourself up over it, just fix it Take care sweetie, and God Bless.

[Pendragon_6]

Prez:

May she rest in peace.

[jag]

Prez, condolences. Maybe you could send a card or a note. http://images.picsearch.com/is?220769938946

[PrezLeefun]

Thanx for the advice guys. I went over there this morning. We spent most of the hour in silenece. I asked everyone how they were; and my grandma and uncle seemed alright but my Dad and cousin acted as though nothing had happened. It was awkward but I said very little. I asked what had happened and it turns out she hadn't been herself the last two days.

[BEST45CAL]

Thanx for the advice guys. I went over there this morning. We spent most of the hour in silenece. I asked everyone how they were; and my grandma and uncle seemed alright but my Dad and cousin acted as though nothing had happened. It was awkward but I said very little. I asked what had happened and it turns out she hadn't been herself the last two days.

Yep...people have their own ways of dealing with death. Can't say that one way is good or bad.

When my dad told me his father passed away, I felt as if I should have been more sad, too. But I really didn't know him that well. My sense of loss wasn't nearly as great as it was when my mother died.

Sure we visited grandpa every once in a while, but wasn't the same as growing up with someone who's involved in your life everyday like a parent or sibling.

One thing you don't want to do is make excuses for not being around as much as you think you should have. I'm sure they realize that you have your own life to live.

Just do what you've been doing. Sounds like you're handling this the right way.

[nene]

Thanx for the advice guys. I went over there this morning. We spent most of the hour in silenece. I asked everyone how they were; and my grandma and uncle seemed alright but my Dad and cousin acted as though nothing had happened. It was awkward but I said very little. I asked what had happened and it turns out she hadn't been herself the last two days. You did the right thing. Being there said plenty.

[PrezLeefun]

Thank you nene

[PrezLeefun]

Hey, Prez, this is your cousin Nikki, I just wanted to say that you are a great person and a great cousin. Words of advice and comfort, perhaps you and your cousin, can start a new relationship, it is never to late to start, she needs just has much as I do, you guys are still alive and can have a good relationship, we don't know what it is lie to lose a mother, who was also your best friend. i'm sure that your Aunt would have wanted that, for u and her daughter to be close. You have people who love you and are behind you. you have always been there for me and i'm going to always be here for you. Prayers to your grandmother, your cousin, your uncle, your father and to you. You are strong, Patrick also wants you to know you are in his thoughts as well. Love yah cuz!!!!!!!!! -Nikki

[Melz]

Nikki, that was nice of you to stop by and offer support on here for Prez. We all love her and are always praying for the family, knowing the Lord is taking care of her soul and giving her support.

Nice to see you again! Prez, you have some great friends and family :)

[PatrioticAmerican]

Condolences, Prez. I am sorry for your loss.