Rhino
02-12-2003, 11:21 PM
Probably not the correct forum for this, but I'll let those of you who can spend more time here decide where it should be moved to.
THE VALENTINE'S GIFT
Let's face it. Men aren't exactly world renowned for their abilities in selecting and giving gifts to their wives. Maybe it's that 'Mars' personality thing, but most men don't tie in their emotions with gift giving. The value or special quality of a gift is not an indicator of how much love they feel for a woman, nor whether or not they feel love at all. To men in general, gift giving is just another task that needs to be completed for an upcoming holiday or special date of significance on the calendar. However, with the exception of an anniversary, there is one date when a man may sometimes attach emotional meaning to the gift they give. That is Valentine's Day.
The main problem men have with Valentine's gifts though, is how to attach the proper emotional meaning to a particular gift. They want the gift to signify how much they love their wife, but it's no secret that men and women often view gifts differently. This stems from an age old problem. Men just don't understand women at all, and probably never will. This situation can create a gift buying scenario that is not unlike playing Russian Roulette. They know the gifts are there. They can even see several possibilities. But men can never REALLY be sure which ones are likely to blow up in their face when they give them to their wife. They may still never really know for sure until the special day arrives and they see the look on her face.
This scenario creates another problem even if the man already knows of several gifts that she will like. That problem is in deciding which ones represent their love the best. Besides, unless the guy is Bill Gates, the gift he would LIKE to give her is most often priced out of his reach. Even the best of men can also sometimes have difficult periods in their life where they might not be able to afford even a modest gift. This presents a uniquely stressful state in the male mind. How do you give a her an inexpensive gift that is not going to be viewed as "cheap"? I'm willing to bet that a medical study could lock this stress down as a major contributing factor in many of the male deaths that occur during holiday seasons.
But suppose you already know a good gift or two, and you actually can afford them. How can a gift express how MUCH love you have for a woman? Assuming you go along with the spirit of Valentine's Day and would like her to know how MUCH you love her, is any gift really going to be able to do that? How can a gift express the true feelings you have for her? I mean, let's face it, most of us have trouble expressing that even WITHOUT gifts! So, even in the best of scenarios, this last problem can drive any man crazy. For instance, how can a gift tell her:
"You are my oxygen. Without you I could not survive, and everything else would lose all significance"
"You are my inspiration and my motivation. Everything that I have achieved, I could not have done without you. Every difficulty I have weathered, I could not have survived without you. Every dream I have dreamed would have meant nothing without you. I cannot imagine ever achieving, persevering or dreaming again if you were not there, nor do I want to imagine it"
"You make me whole. For in addition to my heart, you also fill my soul. I would be an empty shell without you. I would be incomplete"
"You are my light. When the difficulties of life darken my path, you are there to light it again. Just knowing you are there prevents complete darkness when things get bleak. I could survive anything as long as I have you"
And there are others of course.
Can a gift really say these things? No, it can't. But then again, yes it can.
It's not the gift itself that indicates the love. It is the spirit in which you give it. No woman needs a gift to show that you love her, when she already knows you do. Your Valentine's gift is actually in telling her you love her on the other 364 days a year, and showing it. It's in the goodbye kiss you give when you leave the house. It's in the consideration you give her when things are not going well for her. It's in always seeing her as the most beautiful woman in the world. It's in listening to her without interrupting or being judgmental when she needs to get something off her chest at the end of a hard day. It's in making her feel loved on EVERY day. It's in a hundred other things that show her how much she means to you.
You see, the Valentine's gift does not EXPRESS your love. The Valentine's gift AFFIRMS your love. It is really nothing more than a token. If you truly love her, there really is no material gift that could adequately express that anyway. If she knows you love her, and takes comfort in that, almost ANY gift would be beautiful to her. So, if you want to be certain that your Valentine's gift accurately reflects the love you feel for her, just show her that love the rest of the year. Make sure she not only KNOWS you love her, but is confident in it, relies on it, and sees you as the other half of her universe, just as you see her as the other half of yours.
Have you hugged or kissed her today? Have you spoken with her on a more personal level than the kids schedule tomorrow or the repairs that the car needs? Does she KNOW how special she is to you? Have you expressed your feelings to her like the ones above? I have. My wife knows how much I love her because I express it every day. She knows I could not just go on with life without her, and she knows I never want to try. She knows that if money is tight, then a small bouquet of flowers can express more love than a diamond ring. She is my life, and she knows it.
THE VALENTINE'S GIFT
Let's face it. Men aren't exactly world renowned for their abilities in selecting and giving gifts to their wives. Maybe it's that 'Mars' personality thing, but most men don't tie in their emotions with gift giving. The value or special quality of a gift is not an indicator of how much love they feel for a woman, nor whether or not they feel love at all. To men in general, gift giving is just another task that needs to be completed for an upcoming holiday or special date of significance on the calendar. However, with the exception of an anniversary, there is one date when a man may sometimes attach emotional meaning to the gift they give. That is Valentine's Day.
The main problem men have with Valentine's gifts though, is how to attach the proper emotional meaning to a particular gift. They want the gift to signify how much they love their wife, but it's no secret that men and women often view gifts differently. This stems from an age old problem. Men just don't understand women at all, and probably never will. This situation can create a gift buying scenario that is not unlike playing Russian Roulette. They know the gifts are there. They can even see several possibilities. But men can never REALLY be sure which ones are likely to blow up in their face when they give them to their wife. They may still never really know for sure until the special day arrives and they see the look on her face.
This scenario creates another problem even if the man already knows of several gifts that she will like. That problem is in deciding which ones represent their love the best. Besides, unless the guy is Bill Gates, the gift he would LIKE to give her is most often priced out of his reach. Even the best of men can also sometimes have difficult periods in their life where they might not be able to afford even a modest gift. This presents a uniquely stressful state in the male mind. How do you give a her an inexpensive gift that is not going to be viewed as "cheap"? I'm willing to bet that a medical study could lock this stress down as a major contributing factor in many of the male deaths that occur during holiday seasons.
But suppose you already know a good gift or two, and you actually can afford them. How can a gift express how MUCH love you have for a woman? Assuming you go along with the spirit of Valentine's Day and would like her to know how MUCH you love her, is any gift really going to be able to do that? How can a gift express the true feelings you have for her? I mean, let's face it, most of us have trouble expressing that even WITHOUT gifts! So, even in the best of scenarios, this last problem can drive any man crazy. For instance, how can a gift tell her:
"You are my oxygen. Without you I could not survive, and everything else would lose all significance"
"You are my inspiration and my motivation. Everything that I have achieved, I could not have done without you. Every difficulty I have weathered, I could not have survived without you. Every dream I have dreamed would have meant nothing without you. I cannot imagine ever achieving, persevering or dreaming again if you were not there, nor do I want to imagine it"
"You make me whole. For in addition to my heart, you also fill my soul. I would be an empty shell without you. I would be incomplete"
"You are my light. When the difficulties of life darken my path, you are there to light it again. Just knowing you are there prevents complete darkness when things get bleak. I could survive anything as long as I have you"
And there are others of course.
Can a gift really say these things? No, it can't. But then again, yes it can.
It's not the gift itself that indicates the love. It is the spirit in which you give it. No woman needs a gift to show that you love her, when she already knows you do. Your Valentine's gift is actually in telling her you love her on the other 364 days a year, and showing it. It's in the goodbye kiss you give when you leave the house. It's in the consideration you give her when things are not going well for her. It's in always seeing her as the most beautiful woman in the world. It's in listening to her without interrupting or being judgmental when she needs to get something off her chest at the end of a hard day. It's in making her feel loved on EVERY day. It's in a hundred other things that show her how much she means to you.
You see, the Valentine's gift does not EXPRESS your love. The Valentine's gift AFFIRMS your love. It is really nothing more than a token. If you truly love her, there really is no material gift that could adequately express that anyway. If she knows you love her, and takes comfort in that, almost ANY gift would be beautiful to her. So, if you want to be certain that your Valentine's gift accurately reflects the love you feel for her, just show her that love the rest of the year. Make sure she not only KNOWS you love her, but is confident in it, relies on it, and sees you as the other half of her universe, just as you see her as the other half of yours.
Have you hugged or kissed her today? Have you spoken with her on a more personal level than the kids schedule tomorrow or the repairs that the car needs? Does she KNOW how special she is to you? Have you expressed your feelings to her like the ones above? I have. My wife knows how much I love her because I express it every day. She knows I could not just go on with life without her, and she knows I never want to try. She knows that if money is tight, then a small bouquet of flowers can express more love than a diamond ring. She is my life, and she knows it.