The end of all blonde jokes?

[DeclinetoState]

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES:

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new German Shepherd puppies, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

The blonde replied, "HELLOOOOOOO, they're watch dogs!"

[DoctorDoom]

Oh, my, blonde jokes! The door is open ...

There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled on shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

<hr>
On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm a blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the blonde asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm a blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, an I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally persuaded her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

<hr>
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blond jokes, when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says:

"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond snaps, "You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!"

<hr>
Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband fooling around with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

<hr>
A blonde got a job with the Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average!!

"Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."

The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse."

The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?"

The blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket."

<hr>
Two blondes are walking along the sidewalk when one spies a compact. She picks it up, opens it, & looks at it for a few seconds. She then gets this puzzled look on her face. " Whats wrong?" asks the 2nd blonde.

First replies, "This person in here looks familiar!" The 2nd takes it from her & takes a peek. "No wonder it looks familiar, you yo-yo, it's a picture of me!"

<hr>
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day when the door bursts open, and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle, and the table erupts. Up jump the others. They begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture answers, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

<hr>
An old blind fellow is sitting in a bar. After a few, he calls out, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" A moment later a hand is on his and a low voice is speaking close to his ear.

"I know you're blind, so I think you should know a few things. First, I'm a blonde, and the bouncer is a blonde. The guy next to you is an amateur boxer. At the table right behind you are a Navy Seal and a Karate instructor. All of them are blondes. So, are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"

The guy finishes his beer and says, "Nope, not if I have to explain it five times."

<hr>
The sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.
"Okay, honey," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?".
"Today and Tomorrow," she replied.
He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff.
The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go on and work on that one for a while?"

After she left the sheriff's office, she hurried over to the beauty parlor, where her buds were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
The blonde was overjoyed. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

<hr>
Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, "I think they’re deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "I think they’re dog tracks!"
The third blonde said, "Well, I think they’re cow tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

<hr>
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?"
"The creep called back!!!"

<hr>
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were convicted of a crime and sent to jail. Then they decide to escape.

The brunette jumps up on the wall and then jumps in the bushes on the other side. The guards poke their heads around the door to see what the noise was so the brunette says, "Meow meow." The guards say, "Don't worry it was just a cat."

So then the redhead has to go, she gets up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, "Meow meow." The guards say, "Oh never mind, just another cat..."

So then its the blonde's turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off, and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all the noise is, so the blonde says, "Don't Worry, its just another cat!!"

<hr>
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
"Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man.
"Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife.
"Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied.
About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed.
"You painted the whole porch?"
"Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!"
The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.
"Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.

[Jag Wife]

Since I'm the only non-blonde in my family, I know all the GOOD ONES! :licky:

A blonde gets pulled over by a highway patrolman for speeding. He walks up to her and says, "Scuse me Miss, I need to see your driver's license."

"What's that?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"That's that little card with your picture on it that says you can drive."

She smiled. "I got one of those!"

"I also need to see your registration" the cop said.

"What's that?" the blonde asked, dumbfounded again.

"That's that little piece of paper that says you own the car."

She smiled. "I got one of those!"

So the highway patrolman takes the license and registration back to the patrol car and makes sure they check out. Then he comes back to the blonde, unzips his pants and pulls out his thingy.

The blonde pouted. "Oh no! Not another breathalyzer test!"

[Pennville_Bill]

Q: What's the easiest way to make a blond's eyes sparkle?

A: Hold a flashlight up to one of her ears!

[dPrasse]

A Blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing , so she grabs her pole , bait a bucket and her ice auger .
She sits down in the middle of the ice and starts drilling ..

Just then , a booming voice says "There's NO fish under the ice !"

She looks around and sees nobody , so , she starts to auger again ...

once again the booming voice says "There are NO fish under the ice !"

She looks around and says "God ? Is that you ?"

the booming voice replies ...

"No !! This is the manager of the hockey rink .!"

[dPrasse]

"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

Oh man !! That is tooo funny !!!