Dog Philosophy

[Rhino]

Dog Philosophy

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The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley

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Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.
-Unknown

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And then there's Hoffa Dawg!!!

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[DoctorDoom]

Thanks, guy! That made my day. :thumbup: :thumbup:

[Kathy30]

Doctor Doom two years ago, almost to the day I closed a successful law practice because of dog philosophy. I didn't sell it, I closed it. I paid other lawyers to take cases, I gave people their money back. I just closed because of dog philosophy.

Above all other reasons what I needed in my life was honesty an honesty that only dogs can provide. If a dog doesn't like you, he bites you. If a dog likes you, there is nothing that dog won't do for you. I might be the only person to ever voluntarily give up a prosperous lifestyle just to get rid of lies and deceit. I'm here to tell you that the vast majority of what we think of as the legal system is nothing but lies and deceit.

Since I adopted dog philosophy I have lost just about everything. Concommitant with dog philosophy came, apparently, a vow of poverty. I've lost just about everything I had and live in the back of the shop.

You know what, I'm STILL happier and better off than I was two years ago when I made the decision to close the door and law no more.

[Trevelyan]

I hate cats.

[Timberwolf]

Kathy, you are proof positive that one cannot put a pricetag on happiness. I grieve for you, but only in the sense that I'm very fortunate to be able to practice dog philosophy in my practice and wish you, and everyone, could do the same. I'm not gonna get dollar rich doing what I'm doing, but I'm a very wealthy man.

[Rhino]

I hate cats.No problem. Cats could generally care less what we think of them. They're independent that way.

As long as you don't abuse them.

[DoctorDoom]

The difference between dogs and cats:

Dogs see their human and think: He feeds me, pets me, and takes care of me. He must be God!

Cats see their human and think: He feeds me, pets me, and takes care of me. I must be God!

<hr>
IN THE BEGINNING

A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to Where do pets come from? Adam and Eve said: Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.

And God said, No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.

And God said, No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said: Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.

And God said, No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration. And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. And Cat didn't care one way or the other.

[Rhino]

LOL!

[Rhino]

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
~Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912

From the dog's point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.
~Mabel Louise Robinson

Dogs are miracles with paws.
~Attributed to Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy

I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts appear to know about death. Being such wonderfully uncomplicated beings, they need us to do their worrying.
~George Bird Evans, Troubles with Bird Dogs

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
~Holbrook Jackson

The dog is the only animal that has seen his god.
~Author Unknown

Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really.
~Agnes Sligh Turnbull

My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet.
~Edith Wharton

We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults. Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment.
~George Eliot

I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.
~Gilda Radner

Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.
~Agnes Repplier

One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.
~Author Unknown

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
~Franklin P. Jones

I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that.
~W. Dayton Wedgefarth

When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!
~David Starr Jordan

Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
~Corey Ford

With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.
~Edward Jesse, Anecdote of Dogs

The dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can't afford to keep a yes-man.
~Robertson Davies

Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.
~Max Eastman, Enjoyment of Laughter

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
~Andy Rooney

A dog is not "almost human" and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.
~John Holmes

If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
~Will Rogers

The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.
~Mme. de Staël

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
~Steve Bluestone

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
~Aldous Huxley

They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.
~Jerome K. Jerome

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.
~Sue Murphy

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.
~Mark Twain, letter to W.D. Howells, 2 April 1899

If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people.
~Karel Čapek

Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferocity, and all the Virtues of Man, without his Vices. This Praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just tribute to the Memory of Boatswain, a Dog.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, "Inscription on the Monument of a Newfoundland Dog"

The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic.
~Henry Ward Beecher

The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's.
~Polish Proverb

Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.
~Roger Caras

No philosophers so thoroughly comprehend us as dogs and horses.
~Herman Melville, Redburn. His First Voyage, 1849

Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.
~Oxford Union Society, London, Rule 46

In the world which we know, among the different and primitive geniuses that preside over the evolution of the several species, there exists not one, excepting that of the dog, that ever gave a thought to the presence of man.
~Maurice Maeterlinck

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
~Christopher Morley

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater... suggest that he wear a tail.
~Fran Lebowitz

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
~Dave Barry

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
~Ogden Nash

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies.
~Gene Hill

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
~Author Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money. ~Joe Weinstein

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.
~Winston Pendelton

Life is like a dog sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
~Lewis Grizzard

You ask of my companions. Hills, sir, and the sundown, and a dog as large as myself that my father bought me. They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell.
~Emily Dickinson

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
~Woodrow Wilson

Dogs, the foremost snobs in creation, are quick to notice the difference between a well-clad and a disreputable stranger.
~Albert Payson Terhune

To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace.
~Milan Kundera

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
~Edward Abbey

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
~Penny Ward Moser

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.
~Will Rogers

I named my dog Stay so I can say, "Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay."
~Steven Wright

When a dog wants to hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign, as all of us do now and then, he is regarded as a traitor to his species.
~Ramona C. Albert

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.
~Margo Kaufman

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
~Robert Benchley

Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs.
~Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat

Labradors [are] lousy watchdogs. They usually bark when there is a stranger about, but it is an expression of unmitigated joy at the chance to meet somebody new, not a warning.
~Norman Strung

Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on.
~Colette

The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go.
~Winston Churchill

I like a bit of mongrel myself, whether it's a man or a dog; they're the best for everyday.
~George Bernard Shaw

[The_Sonarman]

Dogs Rule.

Cats do too.

It always amuses me how rev'ed up and excited my dog Oreo gets when we drive to the grocery store. She almost turns backflips she's so excited to "go for a ride". Such a routine thing to do, yet it is extremely exciting for her.

[Peachdiane]

Heck, our dog does that when it's time to go outside. I've never seen an animal so revved up about nature's business.

[Beowulf]

I hate cats.
My cat will eat your dog! I'm not kidding! He is that mean!

[DeclinetoState]

I've had both for pets, and can't say that I prefer one a lot more than the other. Where I grew up in rural Oregon, it was nice to go for a walk in the woods with the dogs. They didn't really care where I went. Sometimes they got to chase a deer.

[DoctorDoom]

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
-- Rush