Sicko: Stude inseminates school salad

[DesertFox]

A student at Wheaton North High School is accused in a vulgar case of food tampering. Police say he put his bodily fluid into salad dressing in the school cafeteria.

CBS 2 news partner The Naperville Sun had the tip on the story. CBS 2's West Suburban Bureau Chief Mike Puccinelli reports a letter is going home to parents warning about the possible health hazard.

The student, a senior, is not in school at this time. School officials first learned of the case of food tampering late Tuesday.

More (http://cbs2chicago.com/local/local_story_348184146.html)

[Longhorn_Platinum]

:question: "Stude"? Is he a student or a stud?

[Kathy30]

His favorite movie is Fight Club, no doubt.

[DesertFox]

Letter the prince sent:

Dear Wheaton North Parent:

A very unusual and disgusting incident recently occurred at Wheaton North High School ...

There is no tactful way to give you this information, so I will explain it as it occurred. During the 'D' lunch period on December 6, 2007 [sic], a male student removed a Ranch salad dressing container from the Student Commons, went into the boy's restroom, ejaculated into the bottle, and then returned the container to the condiment table.

More (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/1215065salad1.gif)

[DesertFox]

I began calling students "stude" after reading Up the Down Staircase, where the studes called the teacher "teach" and she called them "pupe." That's also when I began calling the principal "the prince."

[BEST45CAL]

Yet another reason to home school your children.

[Wyatt_Junker]

Gives a whole new meaning to blew cheese.

[DesertFox]

Actually, I'm surprised Al Sharpton didn't show up demanding a bottle of dressing for a black student to ejaculate into. By making these changes before any other stude gets to emulate this one's example, the school district is clearly discriminating against the ejaculate of other minorities in favor of that of Hispanics.

[Wyatt_Junker]

What about a creamer (http://my.break.com/media/view.aspx?ContentID=196043)?

[Gonzo67]

Well, at least he didn't shit in the fudge!

[LightHorseman]

Eww... one more reason not to be a vegetarian

[Riverboat]

From the letter:

"Because it could potentially impact other students. . . "

Any adult at a school who uses impact as a transitive verb should be handed a mop and a bucket and instructed to not speak to anyone lest they pick up bad language usage habits.

"There is no tactful way to give you this information. . . "

On the other hand, at least she knows how to deliver the unpleasant news with a warning. In education, this is called a set induction.

"condiment table"

The salad dressing was next to the condom mints. We like for our students to freshen up their breath after eating a wholesome meal.

[Republican_Legion]

Eww... one more reason not to be a vegetarian

And another reason to not have mayonese on a Sub.

[Trevelyan]

Good thing I hate mayonnaise.

[Republican_Legion]

Good thing I hate mayonnaise.

Me too. I always ask the sandwich places to not put mayonaise on it or I aint paying for it.

[Trevelyan]

Speaking of that, my order has been wrong I believe the past seven times in a row that I have eaten out anywhere.

[BEST45CAL]

Why was mayo created anyway?

:question:

[GrocerySacker]

Why was mayo created anyway?

:question:

Someone ejaculated into in the Grey Poupon.

[DesertFox]

The salad dressing was next to the condom mints. We like for our students to freshen up their breath after eating a wholesome meal.

:rotflmbo:

[cerberus]

Eww, eww, eww.

[Beowulf]

:barf: