Wyatt_Junker
05-31-2003, 01:05 PM
http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/afp/20030529/capt.sge.occ38.290503163806.photo00.default-270x392.jpg
"Hi everyone" *cough* *cough*, "don't mind those red blotches on my left shoulder, they're just Kid Rock hickeys." *cough* *wheeeeze*
If one were to disassemble this inflatable doll, one would find - beneath the mounds and mounds of hair extensions and the make-up so thick you could sink a picnic into it and underneath the pectoral fun sacks on loan from Deloitte and Touche - a bloodstream on par with the Ghanges River, a liver working overtime to filtrate the most unseemly consequences of multiple genital collisions.
If one were to ignore the rampant Hepatitis C and the chronic dialysis thereof, the palsied pulse and jaundiced hue of her epidermis, one could possibly remember the child of long ago of Baywatch lore, and unlike today's version, there would remain a kind of innocent ambition, a trickle of midwestern schmaltz from which such starry eyes emerged. Before the biohazard tin waste can echoed with excess facial slop getting hucked into it by a well-financed Beverly Hills surgeon, before the Jack-o-Lantern had her face carefully carved out and the seeds of thought removed, there was the innocence of 24 Hour Fitness ad layouts. There was Michael Hasselhoff in his Member's Only jacket and air-tight, NASA infused bluejeans. There was no Tommy Lee. And no disease.
But now, all that's left is this Barbie doll. If one views the photo, her forehead is split into three extraterrestrial, bulbous hemispheres each separated by a border of green vein. There is, of course, the inexplicable red blotches or 'crop circles' as Area 51 officials have noted on upper left shoulder. There is the ever shifting landscape of her chest; up, down, left, right, big, shallow, droopy, perky. There is the big hair which intelligence, up to this point, has been silent on, but Chinese officials have warned may contain the actual 'bug' in its latent form. Toronto has also told us of sightings that coincide with the outbreak. It is believed that, with the addition of Kid Rock, somehow a cross-gene was severed from his DNA to hers after numerous laisons, resulting in a temporal shift in space and time, allowing a sizable gap or void to develop whereupon space aliens hatched their eggs upon said genitalia that had grown 'raw' and 'red' due to too much friction and too little lubr-a-sol. This, apparently, was the staging ground for all sorts of mutations and other hells from Pandora's small window of opportunity. The CIA is still investigating and working with other international bodies hoping that if this the so-called 'viral Garden of Eden' and not just a theory, then they can somehow find a cure.
But really this is just a lot of bullshit and huey at this point, only speculation garnered from the above photo alone, courtesy of Yahoo pictures, and has no authenticity whatsoever.
"Hi everyone" *cough* *cough*, "don't mind those red blotches on my left shoulder, they're just Kid Rock hickeys." *cough* *wheeeeze*
If one were to disassemble this inflatable doll, one would find - beneath the mounds and mounds of hair extensions and the make-up so thick you could sink a picnic into it and underneath the pectoral fun sacks on loan from Deloitte and Touche - a bloodstream on par with the Ghanges River, a liver working overtime to filtrate the most unseemly consequences of multiple genital collisions.
If one were to ignore the rampant Hepatitis C and the chronic dialysis thereof, the palsied pulse and jaundiced hue of her epidermis, one could possibly remember the child of long ago of Baywatch lore, and unlike today's version, there would remain a kind of innocent ambition, a trickle of midwestern schmaltz from which such starry eyes emerged. Before the biohazard tin waste can echoed with excess facial slop getting hucked into it by a well-financed Beverly Hills surgeon, before the Jack-o-Lantern had her face carefully carved out and the seeds of thought removed, there was the innocence of 24 Hour Fitness ad layouts. There was Michael Hasselhoff in his Member's Only jacket and air-tight, NASA infused bluejeans. There was no Tommy Lee. And no disease.
But now, all that's left is this Barbie doll. If one views the photo, her forehead is split into three extraterrestrial, bulbous hemispheres each separated by a border of green vein. There is, of course, the inexplicable red blotches or 'crop circles' as Area 51 officials have noted on upper left shoulder. There is the ever shifting landscape of her chest; up, down, left, right, big, shallow, droopy, perky. There is the big hair which intelligence, up to this point, has been silent on, but Chinese officials have warned may contain the actual 'bug' in its latent form. Toronto has also told us of sightings that coincide with the outbreak. It is believed that, with the addition of Kid Rock, somehow a cross-gene was severed from his DNA to hers after numerous laisons, resulting in a temporal shift in space and time, allowing a sizable gap or void to develop whereupon space aliens hatched their eggs upon said genitalia that had grown 'raw' and 'red' due to too much friction and too little lubr-a-sol. This, apparently, was the staging ground for all sorts of mutations and other hells from Pandora's small window of opportunity. The CIA is still investigating and working with other international bodies hoping that if this the so-called 'viral Garden of Eden' and not just a theory, then they can somehow find a cure.
But really this is just a lot of bullshit and huey at this point, only speculation garnered from the above photo alone, courtesy of Yahoo pictures, and has no authenticity whatsoever.