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I'm An Acrobat! [Archive] - FreeConservatives

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Wyatt_Junker
06-22-2007, 02:37 AM
http://www.travel-watch.com/images/acrobat.jpg

I had to shower down at the end of the hallway today next to the guest room because my wife was in the other shower and I didn’t want to wake up the kids. Anyway, there was no hand nozzle in that shower, just a fixed overhead one. This shower stall is also very confined and narrow.

I can shower in just under two minutes. I'm a machine in there. I don't like showers. In fact, if people didn't exist, I wouldn't shower. I would just stink until my smell became a kind of new standard of normalcy that you could wear like socks or a t-shirt.

For me, hygiene is uncreative & repetitious. Not something to revel in, but rather to accelerate through as if you were crashing through a wall.

That said, this morning posed a unique problem. No hand nozzle. But, I still had to wash the particulars, tops and tails, if you know what I mean.

A guy only really needs to wash himself in two places, the crotch and armpits. Period. You shouldn’t ever need to wash your hair unless you’re a fag-in-training or you were out weedeating and weed shot into your beard, face and neck. Then, sure.

But if you’re not gay and you weren’t out weeding, it’s a quick twofer; pits and taint. But, when I scrubbed a dub dubbed down dere, I couldn't rinse off no matter how many angles I tried. No hand nozzle.

So knowing that improvising is the key to life, I finally ended up doing a complete handstand in the shower.

http://www.mensjournal.com/healthFitness/0602/images/wrk_handstand2.jpg

It was a brilliant move. Ass over tea kettle. Not only did it work, but I could feel the water running over places on my body that I'd never felt before. Little whirlpools circulating in strange anatomical places. I felt so completely alive at that unique upside down moment in time like I could accomplish anything I wanted if I just set my mind to it. This would be my invention! Mine! The upside down whirly swirl. And even if I couldn't patent it, I knew I was the first man to try it.

No, I will not be on the American Inventor show. I don't care. My reward is worth more than money could offer. I'm the guy who has a problem and finds a solution then gets the job done.

Anyway, I found a workable solution that works if you don’t have a hand nozzle, but be forewarned; it will require a modicum of strength and skill.

Good luck.

Trevelyan
06-22-2007, 09:05 AM
What is it exactly that I am looking at in that first picture?

Anyway, hah, as always you are certainly unique.

Wolfcounsel
06-22-2007, 09:25 AM
How can standing a poster of some clown in shorts upside down get someone's crotch clean?:question:

BEST45CAL
06-22-2007, 06:42 PM
What about the sludge that oozes from your kibbles 'n' bits after rinsing? Does it not go up yer nose? Do the crusty bits not poke you in the eyes or wander across yer lips? lmao

Besides, I'd be too afraid of slipping. Maybe I would do it if I had a pair of those gardening gloves with the tiny rubber nubs on 'em.

Better yet, I'd just put me inversion table in there and lock me ankles in before the final rise. Screw the sludge and crusty bits.

Good call! lmao