Interested in your opinion on something . . .

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Okay, something happened at our team banquet that has been nagging at me and the more I think about it the more it bothers me. I'd like to get a (few) second opinion(s), am I reading this all wrong?

Our Booster Club put on this banquet for the team. We paid for all the decorations, refreshments, and the gifts & goodies. We invited a few special "honored" guests and also purchased gifts for them in recognition of their support. This has to do with one guest and one gift.

We have a bus driver, he works for the school board but donates his time to drive the bus for all the school sports teams. He's a nice old dude, and really supports all the teams and the school. We invited him to our banquet, and wanted to present him with a really nice gift. Our board thought long and hard, putting in a lot of consideration, and we decided on a really nice thermos, in the school colors. It's an exclusive designer item, and we paid a pretty penny for it.

So we called him up and thanked him then presented him with the gift. Later, after the awards presentation when everyone was mingling, I walked up to him to thank him again and ask if the thermos would work for all those late games he had to drive for (so he could have coffee or cocoa). He said he gave the thermos to the Coach's 5 year old daughter because she liked it so much. I thought he was kidding and kind of forgot about it.

After the banquet was over and me and the other Booster Board Member was cleaning up, I mentioned the thermos and she stopped and told me how upset she was about giving him the gift. He really DID give it to the Coach's daughter! And neither the Coach nor his wife, who was sitting there, made the child give it back, they allowed her to keep it!

Am I the only one that thinks this is just plain wrong on all accounts? I feel like saying something to the driver (he also drives for my daughter's softball team). We took a lot of time, gave much consideration and care in picking out a really nice gift for him, only to find out it had been so casually discarded.

I would appreciate any thoughts on this.

[PrezLeefun]

I dont know Homes. This is a tough one. He may not have taken it lightly at all, some people are just weird about receiving gifts. Some folks genuinely dont like it. He may be trying to be selfless, but didnt want to insult you guys by not accepting it.


I think it is best to just leave it as it is. I wouldnt say anything. I also wouldn't purchase a gift for that person again.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

I dont know Homes. This is a tough one. He may not have taken it lightly at all, some people are just weird about receiving gifts. Some folks genuinely dont like it. He may be trying to be selfless, but didnt want to insult you guys by not accepting it.


I think it is best to just leave it as it is. I wouldnt say anything. I also wouldn't purchase a gift for that person again.

I don't know ... knowing this guy, that doesn't seem to fit with the personality he's exhibited over the 3 years I've dealt with him (he also drove when my son played soccer). But it is something to think about, I guess.

You can bet your bottom dollar we won't be buying anything else for him that's for sure!

[Lubbock]

I think I would feel exactly as you do Homes. Exactly.

The time and effort you put into it, coupled with the cost makes what the driver did really a slap in the face. That's the way I would take it.

Bottom line: you'll never feel the same about this person after this.

And I'm not a fan of regifting, either, although it seems that it has become an accepted practice.

I was raised that when someone gives you a gift, no matter how tacky, or how it doesn't "fit" your "taste," you showed appreciation, and you dang sure didn't give it away [regift it].

But . . . when you give someone a gift, you give it. You've done your part.

What that person does with it is really up to them.

Funny story: I have a dear friend with whom I used to exchange birthday and Christmas gifts. Just little things. No dollar limit, but nice things. Sometimes something for the kitchen. Sometimes a little personal goodie. I know her well, know her tastes, and put a lot of thought into the little things I would pick up for her.

Then one year for Christmas, I got a gift that I had given her a few years prior for her birthday.

I learned later from a mutual friend tht regifting is something this friend does on a regular basis, and I wasn't the only one in the circle who had gotten regifted with my own gift.

If I was going to do it, I would at least try to keep up with who had given me what.

[Wolfcounsel]

One does not regift. PERIOD. The bus driver showed the tact of a reptile.

[buckeyepete]

Homes, if I may,:

" We have a bus driver, he works for the school board and donates his time to drive the bus for all the school sports teams. He's a nice old dude, and really supports all the teams and the school."

"He said he gave the thermos to the Coach's 5 year old daughter because she liked it so much. I thought he was kidding and kind of forgot about it."

I don't know anything about the man, but is he maybe giving a gift to a granddaughter that he never had? Couldn't he resist the admiration that a little 5yr old girl had for a thermos made in the school colors? Did he not know the true $value of the gift, and appreciated the appreciation more?

I'd advise, next year, present him with a letter to be included in his District file, or a lambs wool seat cover for his bus.

[Wolfcounsel]

"I don't know anything about the man, but is he maybe giving a gift to a granddaughter that he never had? Couldn't he resist the admiration that a little 5yr old girl had for a thermos made in the school colors? Did he not know the true $value of the gift, and appreciated the appreciation more?" --buckeyepete

I'll bet if the man had been given a check for, say, $100, printed on the school colors, he would not have given it to the little "granddaughter" he never had, et cetera, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH...

[wayne]

I would just walk up to him the next time you see him smile and crotch kick him.

[MaxLoad]

I think maybe the old guy thinks about this completely differently than you do. Maybe he's had 20 thermos' before and lost them or had them stolen or they've been kicked around and broken. He just doesn't care that much for a thermos any more. Gets his coffee by the cup.

As for the 'regift', I don't feel he saw it that way at all. The little girl's eyes must have been as big a saucers when she saw the thermos! I'm not sure I could resist 5 year old eyes oggeling my gift.

Obviously he thought it meant a great deal to her. Maybe as much as it meant to him?

[Wolfcounsel]

I don't care if the man is pooping thermoses, or if the little girl's eyes got as big as Hillary's butthole, regifts are not done. They remain heirlooms from that point on.

[buckeyepete]

"I don't know anything about the man, but is he maybe giving a gift to a granddaughter that he never had? Couldn't he resist the admiration that a little 5yr old girl had for a thermos made in the school colors? Did he not know the true $value of the gift, and appreciated the appreciation more?" --buckeyepete

I'll bet if the man had been given a check for, say, $100, printed on the school colors, he would not have given it to the little "granddaughter" he never had, et cetera, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH...

Sorry, WC, but a check for $100 and a thermos are entirely different. But, like I said at the first of my post, I don't know anymore about that 'OLD' man than Homes does. She asked for opinions, and I gave mine, with some room for thought.

And, Wayne, your advise was so far out of line, ................well, grow up and think about things before you open your yapper and make an ass out of yourself.

[MaxLoad]

I just posed this question to my wife...
She replied, "It's the busdrivers gift to do with what he wants. He can keep it or give it away.
If there's any wrong in this scenario, it is with the parents of the little girl.
They should have told her that this was a very special gift for the driver and that she should give it back."

There's another take for ya.

[wayne]

Sorry, WC, but a check for $100 and a thermos are entirely different. But, like I said at the first of my post, I don't know anymore about that 'OLD' man than Homes does. She asked for opinions, and I gave mine, with some room for thought.

And, Wayne, your advise was so far out of line, ................well, grow up and think about things before you open your yapper and make an ass out of yourself.

Well sir ,if my "advise" is so far out of line then I apologize . If you left your sense of humor under your bed then maybe we ought to have our lawyers do lunch. Dont you concern yourself about my yapper skippy.

[buckeyepete]

Wayne, if you knew the Christian Lady that asked for advice, you'd have known that she was serious, and your advice wouldn't have been acted on. Hence, my reply to her request, without mention of violence nor foul language.

As far as my sense of humor, it's mostly dry, but nasty when needed. The only thing under my bed is a loaded gun. (and dust )

[wayne]

Wayne, if you knew the Christian Lady that asked for advice, you'd have known that she was serious, and your advice wouldn't have been acted on. Hence, my reply to her request, without mention of violence nor foul language.

As far as my sense of humor, it's mostly dry, but nasty when needed. The only thing under my bed is a loaded gun. (and dust )

I didnt know Christain ladies were without humor. Perhaps I better just run along........

[mkafrica]

I don't know... I don't really like receiving gifts myself, but most people that know me know that about me, so don't usually get me stuff for my birthday, etc.

However, that being said, I understand that people can really put thought, time and effort behind gifts. While I'm not 'emotionally attached' to it or anything, I respect the consideration behind it, and wouldn't regift it, not because it means a lot to me, but because I know it may mean a lot to them.

It could simply be that he didn't realize the thought behind it, and simply thought of it as another mug. Not knowing him personally, it would be hard to judge, to be honest.

On the other hand, the parents of the little girl seem a little lacking here... At the very least, they should have made their daughter give it back. Especially if either of the parents were aware of the cost and consideration behind the gift.

[Lubbock]

Agree with mk and Max 100%.

The parents of the little girl showed their ill manners as well as the bus driver.

[buckeyepete]

Wayne, please stay. Just get to know some of the people. Use 'smilies' when being facetious, and we'll understand. Homes was serious when she asked for opinions.


Pete

[Gonzo67]

Well, in my opinion homes, the act of giving someone a "gift" as a sign of appreciation is all well and good, but the "appreciation" should be the focus. The item itself merely a symbol, the knowledge that his service and contribution are appreciated and valued is the real gift.

I do not believe the bus driver was being intentionally "insulting" when he gave the thermos away. He saw someone who really admired the thermos, and he gave it to her in an attempt to brighten HER day and make HER happy just as you all did by giving it to him.

To me, that suggests he's kind toward others. An admirable quality.

Perhaps some would have preferred he simply snapped at the little girl yelling "Hand off bitch! That's MINE!", maybe gave her a swift slap in the face. Some may have preferred it if her picked her up by the scruff of her neck and gave her a swift crotch punch, much the same as a suggestion stated you should have handled the buss driver. :D

Personally, I think it's kind of nice that this old man, who has proved he's there for the school and the kids by "DONATING" his time and service to the children, can find a simple way to brighten some random kids day.

I understand that you guys put thought and effort into the gift itself, and I understand your "insulted" feelings. You are not wrong for feeling that way. But you should also ask yourself, did he INTEND that "insult", or was he simply being himself. Was he simply doing nothing more than showing kindness to someone else, they way kindness was recently shown to him?

[Gonzo67]

I didnt know Christain ladies were without humor. Perhaps I better just run along........


In all fairness Wayne, in "text based conversation", sarcasm and irony does not translate well. In the future, make use of the smiley icons and emotes to indicate a jest. This goes a long way toward ensuring that your joke is not misconstrued as an insult, attack, or an outright asinine comment.

You haven't been here very long, so you're probably unaware that we have and had more than a FEW members here who would have made that exact same comment and would have been 100% serious as to that being the way THEY would have handled it.

So with no indication of it being a joke, it's quite reasonable that some would look at your comment and assume that you're just another one of them come to grace us with his presence. ;)

http://webpages.charter.net/gonzo367/know.jpg

[gnome]

I'm kind of with Gonzo on this one as far as the bus driver is considered. I wouldn't assume it was given away without thought.

I have a stepdaughter who is frequently misunderstood. She gives away her things often. We've discouraged her from giving away things that were gifts, but it happens occasionally. For her it's a gesture to give away something that's of value to her. It's not a sign that she doesn't care about it, in fact much the opposite, she gives things away because she does care about them.

We're glad she's not so bound to possessions, but we try to draw a line when it's a well-thought out gift such as the one described in this post.

[BuckeyeMike]

The driver should have waited until the event broke up and then give the gift to whomever he wishes. He could have even waited until the next day or so and then delivered the gift to the coach's house. To give it away while the event was still in progress was crass.

[Incident_command]

HS dont assume others are like you. It will only disappoint you.
Its not that big of a deal. What you did was a nice thing and I wouldnt look into it nor should it keep you from doing something nice for him again. As said before maybe he just couldn't tell the kid no.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

I appreciate ALL the responses that were given, it's clear that y'all gave this as much thought as we did in giving the gift in the first place -- which is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for.

At this point, here's where I'm at:

1) Men and women see things completely differently, :smirky:. Men don't think of gifts the same way women do. I need to take that into consideration. I should have been more clear when presenting the gift as to the reason we chose this particular gift (because we did take the time to ask coworkers and others who knew him if he drank coffee and if a thermos would be a gift that he could and would use). I made a point (in my OP) of stating the gift was costly ... at first I really did think the cost was an important point, now after doing a little soul searching, I think it was the fact that we had really tried to match the gift to the recipient and that he didn't seem to see or pick up on that (or from our perspective, didn't seem to care about that) that really offended us.

2) I feel that I was spot on about being upset that the parents, one of which was the team Coach, allowed their daughter to have the thermos and did not make their child give the gift back. As a woman, I know that his wife (the child's mom) had to have noticed that the gift was not a "cheap" trivet -- women DO pick up on these things. The fact that this happened RIGHT AFTER we gave it to him, shows a real lack of class on their part. One does not regift moments after having received it in the first place, and at the very least the mother should know that and the Coach should have had put a stop to it if for no other reason than appearance's sake.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Just to add a bit more to the banquet story (unrelated to the gift for the driver), the JERK of a Coach refused to shake my daughter's hand ... her's was the only one he didn't/wouldn't. And his "introduction" was certainly less than expected for a team member that had 5 first place finishes in a row, 2 second place finishes, tied for 4th at the Invitational (17 schools participating, 20 girls per team), and tied for 6th at the State Sectionals, earning First Alternate for the actual State Meet.

That probably added to my being on edge at the banquet (not to mention his behavior toward her at the State Meet). I was probably more sensitive and susceptible to offense because of what had previously occurred.

[MaxLoad]

Sounds as if the 'ol' Coach might have some issues?:question: