A Clinton Campaigner soils my Toilet - and you are there

[Gato es Verde]

Saturday afternoon the doorbell rings while I'm watching the Cubs game. I open the door - there stands a mid-50s man with a clipboard. He's wanting me to vote for Hillary Clinton in the upcoming Indiana primaries.

No, I say - "we're Republicans here and I could never bring myself to vote for Hillary Clinton".

"Won't you just vote for her in the primary then" - he asks, "and then vote for McCain in the fall."

No, I say - "If I was going to vote for a Democrat, it'd have to be Obama because of my absolute disdain for the Clintons".

"Ok, I see," he says, "well, can I use your toilet?" Not exactly a smooth segue.

I started to ask him if he was serious and then I took a good look at his face - he clearly was serious. His entire body was rigid and he was doing all he could not to fill his pants on my porch.

Well, what do you do? Yes, as Incident Command said on another thread - "Gato es Verde, you are an asshole." Yeah, I am an asshole, but am I going to let a grown man shit his drawers on my porch? No says I, oh the humanity.

So I let the guy in, he does the quick-step all the way to my downstairs bathroom. If you don't know what the quick-step is, think about the last time you were stomach-sick and barely made it to the bathroom... clinching all the way. That's the quick-step.

He took about 10 minutes in there - probably had pancakes for breakfast. Thank God for Lysol spray. He took one final swing at getting me to vote for Clinton on his way out the door, as if us sharing a toilet somehow makes him part of the family now.

No says I - "you enjoy the rest of your day."

Now is that compassionate conservatism or what? Those always-caring Democrats would have probably told him to do something to himself that was anatomically impossible, had he been campaigning for McPain.

[Livia]

lmao hahaha wow...its probably not good of me to be reading funny things in class and then bust out laughing ^_^

that was great though...i would have let him use my toilet too and then right in middle be like "btw im out of toilet paper"

[oldcoastie]

Would the shit in his pants have matched the shit in his head?

[The_Elucidator]

As a former Hoosier, I don't allow democrats to crap in my house. They crap enough on my freedoms, and I would have told him just that!! Of course, I would have made small talk until he sharted, then I would have closed the door on him. :out:

[Kathy30]

Call Mayor Vivalaraza, he says he cleans toilets.

[DeclinetoState]

lmao hahaha wow...its probably not good of me to be reading funny things in class and then bust out laughing ^_^

that was great though...i would have let him use my toilet too and then right in middle be like "btw im out of toilet paper"
The "guest" could have been reminded of Sheryl Crow's admonition to just use one square (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/21/AR2007042101385_pf.html).

[Livia]

lol...

Or you could just give him sandpaper. =) (Extra rough of course muhahaha >=D)

[Wyatt_Junker]

Sounds like a J-Dub who once had a logjam on my porch. His Watchtower propaganda was trembling in his hand. Usually I blow the J-Dub's off, but this time, I saw he was reaching cornblow level 3, so I decided to ask him very pointed questions, not ones that could be answered in an easy, offhand manner. His face was getting thermometer red. At one point he said he had to go. 'NO!' I said, 'you will answer MY questions.' But he just waved his hand goodbye and did the scissor kick, leg cross-over I gotta takuhshit shuffle all the way to his car. I'm sure he puckered up his ass and just shot ur out, the whole load right in the front seat of his car because I could see the immediate relief, like waves across his face, which was followed by his Kingdom wife fanning him down with a Watchtower folded in half.

[The_Elucidator]

Sounds like a J-Dub who once had a logjam on my porch. His Watchtower propaganda was trembling in his hand. Usually I blow the J-Dub's off, but this time, I saw he was reaching cornblow level 3, so I decided to ask him very pointed questions, not ones that could be answered in an easy, offhand manner. His face was getting thermometer red. At one point he said he had to go. 'NO!' I said, 'you will answer MY questions.' But he just waved his hand goodbye and did the scissor kick, leg cross-over I gotta takuhshit shuffle all the way to his car. I'm sure he puckered up his ass and just shot ur out, the whole load right in the front seat of his car because I could see the immediate relief, like waves across his face, which was followed by his Kingdom wife fanning him down with a Watchtower folded in half.

I know better, I know better, I know better, I know better...

Monitor cleanup alert!!!! Wendy's Diet Coke in my nose and on the 'puter.

[Gonzo67]

I can honestly say you are more compassionate than I. Had that been MY house, I would have reached out and began tickling him until he giggled like a 12 year old girl then quickly shut the door so I didn't have to smell the end result.

[TeenageRepublican]

I would've put super-glue on the toilet seat...

[Livia]

hahahaha

Wow...those were funny guys. ^_^

[Gato es Verde]

This pollster got me to thinking though - its not often Indiana plays a role in the primary process. This whole idea of Presidential candidates and their campaign staffs running amuck in our state is fairly unfamiliar. This old boy who filled my toilet was clearly a rookie at canvasing for votes... hell, everybody in this May 6th voting state is.

Hillary is desparate for votes... would she actually buy one? Maybe I could sell my primary vote on ebay. I would never forgive myself though if she got the nomination and I had any part of her winning in the fall.

Henceforth, my toilet is only open to the Obama nuts.

[Livia]

Has anybody gotten those calls from "Hilary"?? "Hello, this is Hilary Clinton and I would like you to vote for me this fall." Or something like that they annoy the heck outa me. ><

[TeenageRepublican]

That's sort of hypocritical because Hillary says she'll be the one answering the phone...

[DeclinetoState]

I would've put super-glue on the toilet seat...Think it over. You wouldn't want to risk a repeat of this (http://www.freeconservatives.com/vb/showthread.php?t=57242).

[Riverboat]

Could've been worse. He could've soiled your carpet. I'm still giggling over the whole notion of soiling a toilet. That's like stinking up the red fox exhibit at our zoo.

[TeenageRepublican]

Being glued to the toilet isn't bad... I actually remember a story my brother once told me about a guy's privates exploding after some prankster left a couple of firecrackers in the toilet...

[DeclinetoState]

I actually remember a story my brother once told me about a guy's privates exploding after some prankster left a couple of firecrackers in the toilet...
Afterward, he was heard singing, "Man! I Feel Like a Woman! (http://www.shania.u-net.com/st24.htm)"

[TeenageRepublican]

ROFL!

[Gonzo67]

Afterward, he was heard singing, "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"


Actually, the young lad, whom we will refer to as "Freddy" grew up to have a very lucrative singing career.

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