Freecers, What Would You Do?

[Beowulf]

I turn to my fellow Freecers to see what they would do. This situation is complex so try to bear with me.

The other day, I was again asked by my mother-in-law for financial help to pay her back property taxes. This is the third time she's asked, the first two I did so, setting me back. Needless to say, I've had enough of fixing the same problem over and over and have said "NO." I did however, help with one smaller bill which was no big deal to me. This, apparently, isn't enough.

My wife initially said that I would take out a loan to pay the taxes. I said no which only made things worse. I did, however, say that when my tax return comes back that I would do it then. Still, not good enough. At that point, I said, "settle it yourself then."

In this mix is my sister-in-law, the most worthless individual I know. She's moved back in with mother and made it known that she's not helping anyone till she is back on her feet, which will never happen since she's still a rebelling party animal, smokes dope and puts $500 up her nose every other weekend. She built an addition to the house without getting the proper permits which will ultimately raise the property value and thus, the taxes which I will undoubtedly be asked to help with again. As it is, she drives with a suspended license, an uninsured and non-registered vehicle and due to being involved in several abusive relationships, has gotten it to the point where she is untouchable. Yes, she has 2 kids who are as bad as she is and she pawns them off the the grandparents.

I did say that if needed, I will escort the bitch off the property since she throws her hands up and says, "I don't want to hear it," when you merely mention her name. I am then reminded of the law. At this point, I'm willing to take an assault charge to rid the house of a problem. I even thought of calling the town and reporting the illegally built addition but I don't want to burn the parents, which I would end up doing.

How would any of you handle this? It may cost me my marriage but to fix a long term problem, it may be my only option.

[Timberwolf]

Ask your in-laws if they will sign over the deed to you and your wife in exchange for paying the property taxes. That way you CAN evict sis-in-law. Tell mom & dad that they are guilty by association of neglect by allowing their daughter to carry on in that manner while not providing for her children. Try to get her committed to rehab.

If they won't, tell them that unless they DO stand up to her and make her pull her weight instead of blowing a grand every other month up her nose, you're washing your hands of the matter.

Then do it. Enabling bad behavior only allows the bad behavior to continue. Another tired old saying comes to mind, "No one can take advantage of you unless YOU let them".

[Rink]

If the law finds out theres drugs on the property Beo, the parents will Loose the house, the land and everything and have fines to pay besides, and that will be the LEAST of their prroblem.

They need to evict that girl fast before her drugs get THEM into trouble.

[DesertFox]

Been there, done that. I refused the fourth time and never set foot in my idiot mother-in-law's house again. My then-wife chose me over her mother, but I eventually lost that wife anyway.

You know you're burning up good money. Don't do it and quit agonizing. Think about something else. You have to train yourself because they've so long abused your good nature.

[CaliGirl]

What Timber, Rink, and Fox said sounds like great advice. I am sorry you are in this situation.

[Longhorn_Platinum]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/serious.gif <font color="blue">I solved a lot of family-creäted headaches by moving to the other side of Texas. I don't guess that would work in New Hampshire. But hey, there's plenty of room out here.</font>

[HarvickFan29]

Beowulf, I hope it all works out for you. I hate to see a good man being taken advantage of and it sounds like they're gonna keep it up as long as you let them. As long as the sis-in-law knows you pay the taxes, it gives her more motive to stick her money up her nose. I just wish I could be of more help but I agree with whomever said it that you should ask the in-laws to get rid of the sis-in-law if they want help with the property taxes.

[dPrasse]

[ QUOTE ]
CaliGirl said:
What Timber, Rink, and Fox said sounds like great advice. I am sorry you are in this situation.

[/ QUOTE ]

What they said ......

my wife choosing her parents problems over our marriage was one part of my marital collapse ..after mom died , then , all of a sudden , it was time to pay attention to davvy ..too bad over 16 yrs , davvy no longer cared .....
(except for the 3 girls) .....

my Prayers are with ya , if ya need someone just to vent to ,I'll be around for at least 4 weeks with a cast on my anckle ....

dave

[Peachdiane]

[ QUOTE ]
Beowulf said:

My wife initially said that I would take out a loan to pay the taxes. I said no which only made things worse.

[/ QUOTE ]

Beo, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Your wife needs to understand you two are a team, working partners....

This was a huge part of my marital collapse too. Ex was forever getting involved in his mom's problems too. It hurt because my family welcomed him with open arms. Then at events his mom shot me and my relatives down with backhanded remarks or "mistakes" I had made, for everyone to hear. How I wished for him to stand up for me/my family and tell her to "get lost" respectfully. I told him we each used to be part of our parents' household. But "now we had our own family"...

Then she'd threaten abandonment and I'm thinking... you're supposed to leave them anyway. Then he'd point out my faults, mistakes, or making fun in front of the kids and his mom would laugh. Anyway it's in the past now... when I filed it was a slap in the face and he said he realized how wrong he was and how he would now listen to me instead of her and he understood why I would turn to friends who listened. But too many years had built up and desperation doesn't look good nor is it meaningful. I guess my point is, sure, family can take care of one another, but partners need to make one another a top priority.

And you're not a money tree. Get tough.... maybe call legal aid. But by all means, escort the bitch right off. The family might get bitter but hey, it is tough love and works in the long run. Mom got tired of her pot-smoking son living off her and not finding a job so she kicked him out and changed the locks. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon129.gif I'd never seen him so /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hissyfit.gif He stood in the middle of the street at midnight screaming "F--- You Mother!" for everyone to hear. But, he joined the military. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/patriot.gif

[Beowulf]

Diane, I don't want to file on my wife but that has been in the back of my mind. It would be a war, one I wouldn't win I don't think. She once said to me in the heat of anger, "I know how much you make." We truly do love each other but maybe "filing" will wake her up. I just remember the pain of my parent's divorce and won't put my son through it. He's 10, has ADHD and OCD and is very much a two-parent child.

I'm getting some good advice from everyone. I'm sitting and mulling over it. My mind set is better today after a good day's sleep (I work 3rd shift). Makes thinking a bit easier. Thanks, All.

[Peachdiane]

Oh Beo, I was just rambling about not having someone on my side and wasn't suggesting you should divorce!!! Not at all! I'll PM you!

[Beowulf]

PM recieved and understood. I know you didn't mean it that way. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[jag]

First off, I am so sorry for your situation.

You do have to stop with the handouts, it will only continue and get worse. Everytime they go out and spend money on fun and recreation it means they won't have the money the next time around to meet their obligations. I don't know about you but that would just make more angry as time goes on.

Put the monkey on your wifes back, say no and mean it. If she would rather put her mother and sister's needs in front of your families needs it should be for her to consider breaking up the family. It would be an easier pill to swallow knowing you did what was right for your family and she left, rather than you left because she wanted to help her mom. (At any rate, you can always reconsider your position later.) I pray it won't go that far but you need to make her understand no means no.

[Beowulf]

The smoke has cleared a bit and within my home, all is peaceful. I haven't heard anything on the money issue which is fine with me. The wife understands (I think) and has left it alone. So for now, I have some peace.

I'm just interested how Christmas day will be as I will be at the in-laws house. Then again, I dread X-Mas every year since they feud amongst themselves more the Connor house in "Roseanne." I grab a drink and just go outside. Even the cold is better than listening to them all bicker.

[Rink]

why go? Stay home and enjoy Christmas for once, thats what my old man did, he hated travelling for Chistmas or any other holiday.

he preferred to stay home.

[jag]

LOL...aren't family and the holidays great? My family is the disfunctional one with all the love-hate back stabbing twisted foolishness and my poor husband had to put up with it for years.

Rink, you ask "Why go?" Boy if it were that easy there would be a lot more peace on earth. I'm sure of it.
<center> /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tree.gif</center>

[Rink]

Well, why go if you hafta get loaded into a cramped car with cranky kids a grouchy woman and hafta drive loads of miles in the snow and burn gas, fight traffic and hafta go to relatives that are just gonna give ya heartburn and ruin it all for ya when YOU can stay home, let the wife decorate at her pleasure and be able to sit in peace and quiet at a nice Christmas dinner meal and enjoy a happy peaceful Christmas without spendin so much in gas, time and such?

Go visit the relatives on another day, Christmas should be a time for faily (unless the rest of the family is closer to ya t han MINE is).

[Beowulf]

As jag said, "If it were only that easy."

Next year will be since I will get to work over the holiday since X-Mas falls on a weekend and I don't have seniority enough to hold weekends. There is a God.

[Peachdiane]

[ QUOTE ]
Beowulf said:
I'm just interested how Christmas day will be as I will be at the in-laws house. Then again, I dread X-Mas every year since they feud amongst themselves more the Connor house in "Roseanne." I grab a drink and just go outside. Even the cold is better than listening to them all bicker.

[/ QUOTE ]

Aw /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon76.gif

Sounds like me. I have my own survival guide:

Drive myself so I can leave when I feel like it. If anyone wants to stay, fine.

Smile, smile, smile, even if you?re faking it. Everyone looks better when they smile and relatives will feel as if everything's OK.

Eat. Grandmom wants everyone to have seconds, and thirds and fourths. She'll get quite offended if we don't. Besides, where else but the dinner table can I watch relatives get drunk, some quicker than others? Then when the bickering gets really bad I leave or ask for a glass of their "Christmas Spirits" and go join kids in GameCube or Nintendo. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon129.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tree.gif

[Rink]

LOL on my part, just dont get into arguments with the relatives, they got quick tempers heh

<font size=1>Thats whut ya git when you mix German with Irish LOL!</font>

[Timberwolf]

Wow...I truly AM blessed!! I get along quite well with my inlaws and my family adores my wife. I can't remember a single year that there was so much a a cross word said to anyone at any of our holiday gatherings (well, since my ex divorced me, anyway.../ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif )

[Beowulf]

Well, those who know me know that I don't smile much, if ever so they don't expect that. I go there armed with a bottle of Absolute for when I need to go hide for awhile while they bicker. Now that they have a detached garage, I have a place to hide.

[Peachdiane]

[ QUOTE ]
Timberwolf said:I can't remember a single year that there was so much a a cross word said to anyone at any of our holiday gatherings (well, since my ex divorced me, anyway.../ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif )

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL!!!! Well that's good to hear! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif

Rink, tell me about it! I come from Old German mixed with Irish and Welsh. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smack.gif

[Rink]

heh Peach! It shows on the forums!!! LOL

<font size=1>I hadda say that y'know</font>

[Rhino]

I have four apologies to make:

1) Im sorry you're in this situation.

2) I'm sorry I took so long to reply.

3) I'm sorry, but I try never to get involved in other peoples personal disputes, so I can't offer any wisdom.

4) [ QUOTE ]
I grab a drink and just go outside. Even the cold is better than listening to them all bicker.

[/ QUOTE ]
In New Hampshire?!?!?!? In December?!?!?!? Damn dude, I'm sorry!!!!!!

[Peachdiane]

[ QUOTE ]
Rink said:
heh Peach! It shows on the forums!!! LOL

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh... that bad eh? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon129.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif

[Rink]

Not bad, I think its good, in a feisty sorta way /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[Rhino]

I never picked up on the nationality/lineage thing, but feisty? Oh yeah! Come to think of it, most of the conservababes here are feisty. I like that. Good thing, since my wife is feisty too.

[Rink]

heheh kewl, thank you /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
heh on most other forums my feistiness has gotten me into trouble, lol here I fit right in.

Life is so grand!

[dPrasse]

[ QUOTE ]
Rhino said:
I never picked up on the nationality/lineage thing, but feisty? Oh yeah! Come to think of it, most of the conservababes here are feisty. I like that. Good thing, since my wife is feisty too.

[/ QUOTE ]

I love feisty women !
keeps a guy on his toes .....

dP
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/patriot.gif
( and there is a difference between feisty and b!tchy) .....

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh@saddam.gif

[Beowulf]

After some straight Vodka, Rhino, I'm plenty warm, even in NH. If I'm really annoyed, I'll mix some Blood Wine. Very nasty but oh so good stuff.

[Peachdiane]

[ QUOTE ]
Rink said:
Not bad, I think its good, in a feisty sorta way /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh! I like that! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif "I'm not bad! I'm just feisty that way!"

Only here, can I get away with being feisty. What a great place! Anywhere else, I'd be.... http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/spezial/Fool/aaa.gif

[jag]

[ QUOTE ]
Rink said:
LOL on my part, just dont get into arguments with the relatives, they got quick tempers heh

<font size=1>Thats whut ya git when you mix German with Irish LOL!</font>

[/ QUOTE ]


lol...I hear you all too loud, I'm German Irish too. Although I get called bitchy a lot more often than I get called fiesty.

[CaliGirl]

[ QUOTE ]
Beowulf said:
After some straight Vodka, Rhino, I'm plenty warm, even in NH. If I'm really annoyed, I'll mix some Blood Wine. Very nasty but oh so good stuff.

[/ QUOTE ]

What is Blood Wine? I have never heard of it. Remember, I live in CA. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon127.gif

[Rink]

LOL havent watched any Star Trek i see he he he

[Peachdiane]

[ QUOTE ]
CaliGirl said:

What is Blood Wine? I have never heard of it. Remember, I live in CA. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon127.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Here ya go... kinda like Bloody Passion!

Klingon Blood Wine

Ingredients:

* 1 oz Tequila (Cuervo)
* 1 oz Spiced rum (Captain Morgan's)
* 1 dash Grenadine
* 2 dashes Tabasco sauce
* Fill with Cranberry juice (Ocean Spray)

Mixing instructions:

Directions:

Add tabasco sauce to an ice-filled beer mug/glass. Pour in the tequila, rum and grenadine, and fill with cranberry juice. Shake twice, a bad blend is terrible!

[CaliGirl]

[ QUOTE ]
Rink said:
LOL havent watched any Star Trek i see he he he

[/ QUOTE ]

How did you guess? Did I sound that obvious? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon127.gif

[Rink]

Um LOL yeah

[Beowulf]

Now I don't have to post the recipe.

Maj'QA, Peach.