I Survived The In-laws!!!

[Beowulf]

Got to their house, had dinner, opened our presents and thanks to mother nature, I left shortly afterward as the snow began to fall. The tires on my wife's car aren't that great so it made for a great excuse. I didn't have to crack open the liquor to find tolerance.

Sad thing of it all was, my SIL was high when she got there (shortly after I arrived) and went to bed before we left. As of noon the next day, she was still asleep.

But, I got through it.

[Timberwolf]

Something concerning "small miracles" comes to mind. Glad ya got through it! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif

[DesertFox]

I solved that problem this time around by marrying a gal whose folks were already history. I'm sure they were fine people, judging by their daughter, but ...

[Beowulf]

I always thought that if my wife left me tomorrow and I later re-married, one pre-requisit I'd want of her is that her folks were no longer with us but that would make me an insensitive masachist now wouldn't it.

[DesertFox]

I didn't ask. I just didn't shop among those with potential in-laws. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif

[Longhorn_Platinum]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon115.gif <font color="blue">Personally, I'm my in-laws's favorite child-in-law. Of course, I cause less verbal trouble than the others, since I'm the only one who doesn't speak Indonesian.</font>

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

<h2> Gentlemen, Do you honestly think YOUR in-laws are the ONLY pain in the butt???

Try being the daughter-in-law of the mother-in-law. No piece of cake there, guys!</h2>

It was only about 3 years ago that I discovered Christmas actually happens in MY own home if I only insisted on staying home for a change. Yes, I can cook "Mid-morning souffle" just as well as "mom". Yes, I can make my home a "winter wonderland" in the middle of the desert. Yes, I can make a huge pot of homemade soup. Yes, I can make fudge, divinity, and all the other goodies. Yes. I can do all that. And "mom" learned a good lesson too.

As she gets older and unable to follow recipes, guess who's cooking up a storm? http://freeconservatives.com/smilies/cool_shades.gif

Every "matriarch" has her time in the sun, as well as "patriarch" his time in the sun. Ya just gotta be patient.

Enjoy your families. Your time will come.

[DesertFox]

Did anyone claim that, Gone? Good grief. I loved my mama, but that didn't blind me to the fact that she was the worst mother-in-law any woman ever had to my first wife.

For that matter, my first wife's mother was no peach; but she was a worse mother to my then-wife than she was rotten mother-in-law to me.

We've been using here the term "in-laws," which apply any direction. Mothers-in-law in particular are infamous the world over. I've never had a problem with fathers-in-law.

To round out the discussion: My two older brothers-in-law are as good as anyone could want -- but I can spend unlimited time with my oldest sister's husband (even with him being a Dimocrat) and enjoy it. I can spend about an hour with the other older sister's husband and have to flee because he's so obsessive about the things that interest him that interest no one else on the planet -- and he can't talk about anything else, poor soul. A nice guy but --

My younger brother-in-law's okay, neither here nor there.

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

Up until I "walked" in, you guys were all complaining about your mothers-in-law; I decided to mention that it's not always a piece of cake for the wives to deal with their husbands mothers (just to round out the discussion).

No one was accusing you of anything, Fox. Why are you so defensive?

Never mind. Jeez. Seems to me you're a bit touchy, Fox.

[DesertFox]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/whatever.gif

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

What is it with you and me, Fox? I really want to know. Is it because I don't tow 100% of the conservative line? What is it??

As far as I'm concerned, the only people who've got a real reason to be depressed or complain about Christmas are the American soldiers in Iraq or Afghanistan who'd like to be with their families, but can't.

But if you'd be so kind as to tell me what exactly you're problem is with me, I'd like to know. I'm totally clueless.

[DesertFox]

My problem is the way you jump on people for their opinions. You do not do it nicely, or simply enter an opinion. You came into this thread shouting in extra-large letters, then accused ME of being defensive. You did much the same thing in the WalMart thread(s), getting very nasty very quickly with people who simply saw things differently from you.

You don't practice civility with your fellow Freecers, Gone. That is my "problem with you."

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

That certainly wasn't my intention, Fox. I used extra large letters to get attention, that's true. But I never meant to "shout" at anybody, or "jump" on them or you for your opinions.

Let's try it again:

<h6>Gentlemen, Do you honestly think YOUR in-laws are the ONLY pain in the butt???
Try being the daughter-in-law of the mother-in-law. No piece of cake there, guys!</h6>

Anyways, happy new year. I've gotta get back to my movie "Gone with the Wind" and see Rhett tell Scarlett "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon133.gif

[DesertFox]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif

I'm watching it, too. One of the greats.

[Timberwolf]

*sniff*

That was beeeuooooooteeful. I'm all verklempt. Tawk amongst yo'selves.

*ducks &amp; covers* /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/biggrin.gif

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

[ QUOTE ]
DesertFox said:
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif

I'm watching it, too. One of the greats.

[/ QUOTE ]
They're calling it the "tear-jerkers". They gave it 5 out of 5 tears.

I love that last scene when Rhett says that to Scarlett. Then she says, "I can't think about that now; I'll think about it tomorrow. But I have to think about it now. Oh, what am I going to do? (sob, sob) - little voice: <h6> Tara. Tara! Tara!!</h6> "Yes, Tara! I'll go to Tara. I'll get him back some how!"

[DesertFox]

Onliest thing I sorta don't like is that Rhett in the movie says "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" with anger.

In the book he says, "My dear, I don't give a damn" with tired resignation.

The movie still works great, but I LOVE that book and would like to have seen fidelity to it at the end. Scarlett wore him out, and that's what came thru in their book parting. It's important when you consider how she MAY get him back. If he's worn out, he may well get over it and she has a chance -- it's not in Rhett's nature, after all, to just quit living, and Scarlett represents everything about living that appeals to him -- her energy, her guts, her looks, her fighting spirit, etc.

If on the other hand he's angry, he may well just angrier as he thinks about it all. In that case her getting him back becomes more problematic.

Or so it seems to me. You want her to try, and succeed (well, I do).

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

If she gets her strength from Tara, she'll get him back. I also like the line: "I'll never go hungry again!" She'll get him back. I think of "hunger" and I think of more than just food. I think those two are hungry for each other and probably deserve each other! I can't imagine Scarlett without Rhett. She really really pissed me off with the Ashley bit. And Mellie, she had to know Scarlett's obsession with Ashley and yet she was so patient.

[DesertFox]

Agreed. Scarlett's an unusually strong woman. Rhett's an unusually strong man. He just had to give her time to grow up. He had about 17 or 18 years on her and you're exactly right, he hungered for her, which is why he married her.

Mellie is one of the great characters of fiction. Rhett almost had it right when he said she couldn't conceive of dishonor in anyone she loved. She COULD conceive of it, but didn't allow herself to. In the end she was justified as Ashley came to realize what Mellie knew all along -- that he and she were as much made for each other as Scarlett and Rhett were.

It's women who transmit a civilization from one generation to the next, but not all women. Mellie is the kind of woman who does. People recognize this in certain women, as even the old biddies Merriwether and the other one set unusual store on Mellie's opinion. They were scandalized at the Doc's idea of the gents bidding on their ladies at the dance, but when Mellie said it was okay, it was okay.

The psychology in this book is just out-of-this-world. It can only be hinted at in the movie. Mammy was as well cast as Rhett and Scarlett. An enduring scene is Mammy relating to Melanie how Scarlett and Rhett fought after Bonnie's death. It puts the reader (viewer) on the scene as a third party. Magnificent device! In the book Melanie wondered how two people who loved each other could use "such sharp knives" on each other. That line got left out of the movie, to the movie's loss.

[Peachdiane]

[ QUOTE ]
DesertFox said:We've been using here the term "in-laws," which apply any direction. Mothers-in-law in particular are infamous the world over. I've never had a problem with fathers-in-law.

[/ QUOTE ]

You know, now that you mention it, I never had a problem with any boyfriend's dad or male relatives. No probs with male in-laws at all. They loved me and accepted me. But there's a first for everything. I'm sure if I marry again my husband will tell me his dad said I was trouble before "Hello!"

I've heard it all: "My husband's mother started criticizing me at my wedding 20 years ago and she never stopped."
"My mother-in-law thinks my husband is her personal handy man--she'll call at least once a week, insisting he come over right away and do this and that."
"My mother-in-law stops by all the time, expecting us to drop what we're doing and entertain her."

Nearly 60 percent of all marriages suffer from tension with mothers-in-law, normally between the daughter-in-law and her husband's mother. Somehow the stereotype of the nagging, meddling mother-in-law rang very true in my case.

Yow! Little did I know what an evil and malevolent person she was. She was a "Christian" and Christian author but had no trouble being the devil either. Just a manipulative, self centered, selfish, narcissist person. Early on, I wondered if my ex was adopted! At first she was nice to me but she had her little ways of letting me know she didn't think I was good enough for her son.

Like how she would keep sending me pics of his exes and was only nice to me when it benefitted her. It got really bad with her interfering with our marriage, to the point where I truly hated her and we split. I didn't like hating someone. It just isn't me. She wasn't the only reason we broke up but she definitely played a huge part. He'd take her side every time and say his mom was just a strong opinionated woman.

Well........ok.

There's a HUGE difference between being a strong opinionated woman and a domineering BITCH. I read the book, "Six in the bed" which sums it up very well. You got the husband, wife, kids and bring in the mother and her husband!

My own mom gets on my nerves sometimes, especially since she left when I was 17 and suddenly came back into my life 14 years later and moved near me. (I'm sure the feeling is mutual). She can be anal retentive and wonders how the hell she raised such a laid back person. But, she had always been supportive of my relationships even when she didn't like the guy! And she was involved in her childrens' lives growing up (soccer, baseball games, band, etc.)

I think a truly good mother-in-law doesn't make newcomers feel like the third wheel. They also let go of their child and teach the family how to laugh, play, and build fun memories.

I saved an article that gave me humor when I needed it:

[ QUOTE ]
To learn how to be a good mother-in-law, it may be easier to look at some examples of how to be a bad one:

Tell everybody at the wedding that you disapprove of your child's new spouse, and provide the reasons. "I give the marriage six months," snapped one elegant mother-of-the-bride after several glasses of champagne. (Six years later, the "other" grandmother gets much more time with the grandchildren.)

Whenever your new daughter-in-law answers the phone, skip the niceties and go directly to "Can I speak to my baby, please?" Or, "Is this John's wife?"

Make negative public pronouncements about your daughter- or son-in-law. When Sonny Bono died in a skiing accident, his wife, Mary, decided to run for his congressional seat. Sonny's mother told the press that she was against it because it would make "orphans" out of his children. Mary Bono won the seat with 64 percent of the vote, and has said that without such buttinsky remarks the number would have been closer to 50 percent. She got more sympathy for having a bad mother-in-law than for the death of her husband, she said, because "everybody has a mother-in-law."

Be sneaky and try to get away with it. When her four sons and their families came home for a family reunion, Fiona added special touches to each bedroom. In one son's bedroom she placed a photograph of him and his wife; unfortunately, the woman in the picture was his previous wife. Fiona is nearsighted, but not that nearsighted. Subsequently, objects in the room were broken.

All mothers learn quickly that being a perfect mother-in-law may be impossible. But we are an ambitious lot, given to self-improvement, and determined to rise above the jokes and disparaging remarks. "There are no perfect mothers-in-law, just as there are no perfect mothers," says Jennifer Lock Oman, a clinical social worker in Des Moines and a columnist on family issues for Gannett News Service. "But the same characteristics apply."

The first thing to do, she says, is let go of your child. Letting go means not sharing your negative feelings for your daughter's new husband, not insisting that the young couple show up for every holiday (or even one holiday), not giving them unsolicited advice about anything.

[/ QUOTE ]

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

You know, Peach, your description sounds a lot like my struggle, including the "Christian" AND Christian author thing. But a funny thing happened when I decided to stay home and have Christmas at my house instead of driving 160 miles every Christmas. I invited everyone to drive 160 miles to our house and I'd cook and entertain for a change. No one wanted to drive that far, including my mother in law! It was too far and too dangerous to drive on Christmas or Christmas Eve. Suddenly all the back-biting stopped. They sent cards after Christmas telling us they missed us and that it was very strange to spend Christmas alone as a couple.

I thought "no shit it's lonely". I used to sit here by myself on Christmas day while my daughter and husband drove 160 miles because our daughter thought Christmas didn't happen in Lancaster CA and Santa wouldn't come to her house.

Strange. But I made it. There are 3 sons. My inlaws had no daughters. The other two sons wives finally left them. I remember sitting there listening to comments about the other two daughters in law wondering what kinds of things were being said about me when I wasn't in the room. But I hung in there.

Now my mother in law is very different. Don't know if it's old age or what, but she can't even follow a recipe, God bless her. She couldn't follow the family recipe and it was about to be lost forever. It's a Norwegian dish. I went to the Sons of Norway website and resurrected the family recipe.

I think the world of my in laws. Don't know why it was necessary to struggle so long before coming to some kind of peace, but I'm there now and at peace with things.

Never had problems with my father in law either. Strange...

[Gone_with_the_Wind]

Don't have the book in front of me, but the movie had opening lines written on the screen-- something to the effect--"...the kind of chivalry that is gone to the world forever, gone with the wind, except to be found only in books..." Something like that. Great opening lines. Starts you off crying your heart out longing for something you have no idea what it was really like.

When the confederate soldiers came limping home and Mammy was boiling their clothes to kill the soiled pants, louse-infested clothes and all the yucky things they had to do to clean up, I was reminded that back then it wasn't all that wonderful to deal with the hardships of life, even if a person was privileged. I would have hated wearing those dresses and trying to make my waist a 23-- breaking my ribs so I could get into a dress. Did you ever look at cotton fields and wonder how they managed to keep their fingers from getting gangrenous? Those thorns really did make a person bleed. No wonder they had someone else doing it. I think of all the people lost in that war and I can't imagine going back to times when brother fought brother, fathers fought sons and killed each other. I'm glad I only read about it and those times are gone with the wind. I never want our country to go through something like that again.

These characters, though, really do take your breath away and you have to admire the strength of those people. Talk about survival of the fittest... it really was, by all definitions only the strong who managed to stay alive. I hope that strength stays with America forever.