BUSH HAS COOTIES!!!!

[Nutrider99]

Democreep Nutcases for Communism (DNC) chairman Terry McAwful said today that he has obtained conclusive evidence that President George W. Bush has cooties.

“We have witnesses that saw Bush touch a girl while he was in the third grade,” said McAwful. “He didn’t have his fingers crossed at the time, and EVERYONE knows third grade girls have cooties.”

“Cooties are a serious matter,” confirmed democreep presidential candidate John F-Me Kerry. “If not wiped off right away they stick to you and make you icky pukey.”

Kerry, better known for his experience with cooter than cooties, nonetheless contended that Bush should not be re-elected because “girls cooties are icky and icky people should not be president.” Kerry maintained that the girls he had touched in school, the secretaries he had had affairs with, and the terrified Vietnamese girls he had gang raped were all over 12 and had thus outgrown their cooties.

“I am disheartened that this president could have been so reckless as to touch a cootie-infested 8-year old girl,” said House Minority Leader Dickless Goatfart. “He was obviously a miserable failure at being a boy.”

Senator Ted Kennedy could not be sobered up in time for comment.

[Westbrook]

ROFLAO!!!!

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif

Three thumb's up for that one!

[Timberwolf]

http://www.freeconservatives.com/uploads/doggie.gif

[DoctorDoom]

This is HORRIBLE! A NIGHTMARE! Egad and all those other words signifying great consternation!

http://www.ananova.com/images/web/44315.jpg (http://www.ananova.com/entertainment/story/sm_807684.html?menu=entertainment)




This is a highly magnified image of a typical third-grade girl cootie. Note the pincerlike extremities on its forelegs, with which it fastens itself tightly to the skin and hair of boys who are inadvertently infected through even casual contact. Also observe the mouthlike aperture on its ugly face, which it uses to bite the facial skin of boys, leading to an outbreak of "zits" in the teenage years.<br clear="all" />

http://www.amarillonet.com/images/headlines/091203/2apenn.jpg (http://www.amarillonet.com/usnews/index091203.html)






Here is one of the tragic adult victims of untreated cootie infestation. Note the flattened facial features resulting from an irresistible urge to walk into glass doors, and the furrowed brow caused by heavy thinking on the topic, "Why am I such an asshole?"

Less obvious is the affinity that cootie victims have for mideast dictators. <br clear="all" />

One hopes that the president will seek help immediately. Cooties are no joke.

[Estragon]

Gee whiz, Doc, don't bring those things in here! You don't know where they may have been . . .


:D

[Warlady]

My sides are hurting and Nut you owe me a new keyboard.

[ThomasIsUnderrated]

LOL, that's great!!!

[Nutrider99]

My sides are hurting and Nut you owe me a new keyboard



The sides I can understand, but the keyboard? Hmmm. It brings up some interesting conjecture.

Regardless, I simply report the facts. I do not, like democreeps, create them. As this election cycle goes on, I might just pass on some other tidbits of information regarding democreeps. Such as:

Jane Fonda and Ho Chi Minh were secretly lovers. One good Ho deserves another.

Al Gore criticized John F-me Kerry for casting his vote against the Gulf War-- without first getting as bid from the other side.

Howard Dean has been seen hanging out in the men's room of a Mexican restaurant getting high off the fumes.

Kerry’s campaign manager recently addressed the false testimony that Kerry gave before Congress during the “Winter Soldier” investigation in which he described American atrocities with no firsthand knowledge. He stated that Kerry was simply lying under oath, a necessary qualification for any democreep presidential hopeful.

Gary Condidit praised Kerry for getting his mistress to run off to Africa. “I had to kill mine and dump her body in a park,” said Condidit. Fortunately, it’s not illegal for us democreeps to kill people. Hitlery clintoon was offended by Condidit’s comment, adding that the park idea was hers in the first place.

KFC recently filed a copyright infringement against bill clintoon, claiming bill was foul, bill was certainly chicken, and his 11 impeachable offenses exactly matched the number of herbs and spices in the Colonel’s famous recipe. A clintoon spokesman pointed out that, although there were several similarities, they were purely coincidental. After all, the number of sexually assault allegations was 17, which had no connection to KFC.

So far, the major media have not picked up on these stories.

[Venus]

ROFLOLOL!

[Maggie_T]

NUTRIDER, YOU ROCK!!!!!

I read it to hubby and we're ROFLOBO!!!!!!!


http://freeconservatives.com/smilies/doggie.gif

[DesertFox]

<font size=1>This shit be Hall-of-Fame funny</font>

[ThomasIsUnderrated]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yeahthat.gif

[crylady]

A real screamer! Thanks a heap!

[Pennville_Bill]

http://www.quadlinekites.com/scratchkitty/images/Smiley%20Faces/Moods/garfield_lol_sm-ani.gif

[brilliantLiberal]

We should not dismiss these allegations in so cavalier a manner. The seriousness of the charges require Congressional attention. We need to know the truth! If he touched a girl, does that constitute unwanted fondling? Perhaps Bush and Swarzenegger have more in common than we first thought!

From touching a girl in third grade, it is not so great a leap to conclude that he may one day grab a flight attendant's breast on Air Force One. Is this the kind of man we want representing America to the world?

[Maggie_T]

brilliantLiberal said:
We should not dismiss these allegations in so cavalier a manner. The seriousness of the charges require Congressional attention. We need to know the truth! If he touched a girl, does that constitute unwanted fondling? Perhaps Bush and Swarzenegger have more in common than we first thought!

From touching a girl in third grade, it is not so great a leap to conclude that he may one day grab a flight attendant's breast on Air Force One. Is this the kind of man we want representing America to the world?

Stop it, guys! Now look what you've done. You owe me a new laptop.

[DesertFox]

brilliant, you got it all backwards. We know from 42's experience that fondling a grown woman's breast would come under the heading of, "it's only about sex." No big deal.

But pulling an 8-year-old girl's pigtail without even the courtesy of wearing protective latex gloves -- now THAT's something to worry about!

<font size=5>Idiot-ass Lefties of the world, UNITE</font>

[Daskid]

<font color="blue"> I'm really, really glad I wasn't drinking
buttermilk while reading this thread! </font> /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rotflmbo.gif

[Taylor]

Actually, girls don't have cooties. Boys have cooties but they outgrow them when they get older. Bush had cooties when he was little of course because all boys have them when they're little. He outgrew them when he grew up.

[DesertFox]

Boys don't have cooties. Boys have lice.

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Okay, we need to start an FC entitlement fund for replacement keyboards -- otherwise, I'm gonna havta sue! http://www.freeconservatives.com/vb/images/icons/grin.gif

[DoctorDoom]

Actually, girls don't have cooties.It's a well known medical fact, established by Veeblefetzer and Dinglehoffer in their definitive 1973 work, The Omnipresence of Cootius Feminus Gradeschoolii on Female Children Between Ages 6 and 12, that these critters do indeed exist, and that boys in that age range are very susceptible to them.

The immediate treatment for contamination is for other boys to surround the victim and point while chanting, "EEEWWWW!!! COOTIES!!!" This causes a biological reaction that makes the skin resistant to the spread of the cootieitis. It is not a cure, but it confines it to the contact area, where a thorough scrubbing with sandbox sand will usually remove the li'l buggers.

[whipple]

In england/ireland we call "cooties" the "dreaded lurgie" and girls are the main carriers.

[Rink]

why girls?

Isnt that a bit.... sexist?

[whipple]

why girls?

Isnt that a bit.... sexist?

:D it could well be but to an eight year old boy girls are 'icky gross' and need to be avoided cos they'll give you the dreaded lurgie.

[Rink]

Well to 8 yr old girls boys are just uncouth barbarians that arent proper to be around with :D

[PrezLeefun]

cooties? ok. democreeps have cooties.

[Warlady]

Maybe this thread should make another visit to the Political forum.

[DesertFox]

"...to 8 yr old girls boys are just uncouth barbarians that arent proper to be around"

8-year-old boys aren't proper for ANYONE to be around. I know, cuz I wuz one.

[Rink]

Indeed Foxie, but have ya growed up since then? ;)

[DesertFox]

You're onto my secret.

[Faithful_Servant]

why girls?

Isnt that a bit.... sexist?
Why, yes it is, rink. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed so I don't get girl cooties on my hard drive from replying to your post.:D

[whipple]

Why, yes it is, rink. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed so I don't get girl cooties on my hard drive from replying to your post.:D

Too late Dude, talking to girls is an instant trip to cootie-ville

[HomeschoolrsRUs]

Too late Dude, talking to girls is an instant trip to cootie-ville

http://www.freeconservatives.com/vb/images/icons/grin.gif Guess you are infected too, as you often address me. :D

[whipple]

http://www.freeconservatives.com/vb/images/icons/grin.gif Guess you are infected too, as you often address me. :D

I'm already incurably infected (my girlfriend keeps kissing me). I have resorted to removing myself from the company of young children lest I infect the innocents with my lurgie
:thumb:

[Rink]

Why, yes it is, rink. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed so I don't get girl cooties on my hard drive from replying to your post.:D

But... but... I'm not a GIRL I'm a Lady :thumb:

[DesertFox]

Ladies ain't no fun

[Rink]

Ladies ain't no fun

Why not?

[Wyatt_Junker]

Why not?

Emphasis on 'ladies'.

Now, OTOH, wummin or chicks...different story.

At least I'm doing my best to interpret the Fox Man.

[Faithful_Servant]

But... but... I'm not a GIRL I'm a Lady :thumb:
Lady cooties!!!! AAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Actually, I kind of like 'em. Especially when I get 'em from my wife. :thumb:

[Nutrider99]

We all know that girls have cooties. That's why no boy wants to touch one of them. Cooties tend to wear off as girls near puberty. By the time they are about 12 the cooties have worn off and it's safe to be near them.

Cooties are not normally found on boys, which is why it's harder for boys to get rid of them once they have girls cooties. The safe thing to do is to never touch a girl under twelve without first crossing your fingers.

[iFocusNews.com]

Well I guess it's a good thing I don't plan on touching any girls under twelve then, isn't it?

[DoctorDoom]

Absolutely! And between 8 and 10 is the most infectious period. Even accidentally brushing against a girl in that range will instantly result in infection.

[iFocusNews.com]

Well at least we know what's wrong with Michael Jackson now.

[aaron11]

Bravo!