Military Wives

[spectre]

Strong as steel, tender as an angel. Witness the military wife — keeper of flame, flier of flag, payer of bills, mother, lover, partner, fixer. Her life includes the magnificent and the mundane, the noble and the frustrating. There are beautiful reunions, long waits, mad romance and moments when the reality of her husband's profession becomes unthinkably clear.
"One day, weeks after he had left, we got an e-mail message," said Rena Tumbleson, whose husband, Maj. Daryll Tumbleson, has been in Afghanistan for the past four months with the U.S. Army's 10th Mountain Division.
"My husband told us that when we started feeling sad, to remember he was there for a just cause. And to remember those who have been lost, who didn't make it," she said. "That helped me, it helped our daughter, Shelby. I know we're going to make it through this, and we pray for those who didn't."
One popular parable about military wives has circulated in-house for years: The good Lord, it seems, was on overtime trying to create the very first military wife. The standard wife just wouldn't do.
This military wife would be independent, cheerful, have the heart of a lion, a generous spirit, run on black coffee, move her home 10 times in 17 years and have six pairs of hands, the Lord reasoned.
And the small tear on her cheek, the Lord said, was for the joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and dedication to the values she and her husband hold dear.
The wives themselves present a united front.
"We are a true sisterhood," Mrs. Tumbleson said. "Regardless of what service our husbands are in, we stick together, and we're proud of who we are. I wouldn't trade this life for anything."
September 11 has touched the hearts of every one of them.
"After 9/11, how can I complain if my husband must be away? My husband is eventually going to come home. Some people are not that fortunate. And he's doing something for his country," said Heather Welch of Norfolk, wife of Navy Lt. j.g. Bill Welch, who is currently serving in the Atlantic aboard the amphibious assault ship USS Bataan.
This is her first deployment.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/national/20020331-95699033.htm


Can we ever say thanks enough?

[Warlady]

I was touched to hear the Admiral of the USS Roosevelt attribute some of their success to the strength of the wives. The military treates them with such respect.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

When I was in the service, it was a standard practice to hit the clubs on base whenever there was a troop movement. The reason was quite simple: wives of the deployed would flood the clubs. No, they werent looking for companionship from other wives, they were lookin for the available Marines and sailors that were stayin.
I have had many military wives tell me that the only reason they tolerated the service was because it was a woman's heaven, with so many men to choose from.
Now I am not saying that all military wives are like that at all. I am just tellin you a fact.
Any man who has been in the military can tell you the same thing.....when the troops pull out, it's party time!!!
I laugh when I see all them tears on the pier.....

[RocketScience]

I can remember the return from six Patrol Squadron deployments and one ship tour on the USS Kitty Hawk like they were yesterday.

I was a bit of a Boy Scout during those days and quite frankly, proud of it. I did not take my marriage vows lightly, back then -- nor do I now. However, even though now divorced from the mother of my children, the times when I stepped off that airplane to the homecoming greeting of a beautiful wife and 3 super munchkins were unquestionably some of the best memories in my life.

And when we finally got time alone, it was never the slam bam thank you ma'am some love to portray. It was a time to share our joy at being together again, to get to know each other after 6-9 months apart, and to celebrate our good fortune that nothing tragic had befallen either of us or the children. Of course, the first night back was special for all the "traditional" reasons, and that renewal of our partnership and marriage vows was very healthy for the stability of our relationship. It was only when we quit sacrificing for each other did we lose the magic.

I remember one such deployment (to the Philippines) out of Hawaii where we were all ready to go but had to delay due to a typhoon blowing through Guam. I went home and announced the delay and we went out to dinner and afterward, held hands on the couch like two school kids until we finally went to bed. I did depart the next day and the departure was so much easier with that extra, bonus day delay.

I did see some of the same behavior by married officers that Mule refers to (some of it quite bizarre, in fact) but the majority in my wardrooms kept it to a minimum. Of what the wives did while we were gone, some did get back to me. It was not widespread among my peer group and it was still fairly scandalous. We just weren't as "cool" as some are today. Then again, there wasn't a 50% divorce rate either.

Rocket

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Rocket...I dont know how it was with officers. I was just lowly enlisted scum (thank God) US NAVY BM3. (E-4)

[RocketScience]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Muleracer:
Rocket...I dont know how it was with officers. I was just lowly enlisted scum (thank God) US NAVY BM3. (E-4)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah, I know Mule, just the backbone of the Naval Service. images/icons/wink.gif We both go down to the sea in ships and in Harm's Way,...together.

I loved the Navy and I respected my shipmates.

Rocket

[Venus]

Rocket, I've always loved that phrase, "....down to the sea in ships....".

Mule, Rocket, what's the difference between an admiral and a rear admiral?

BTW, thankyou both for your service.

[RocketScience]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Venus:
Mule, Rocket, what's the difference between an admiral and a rear admiral? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Rear Admiral (Lower Half) = one star: same a Brigadier General

Rear Admiral (Upper Half) = Two stars; same as Major General

Vice Admiral = Three Stars; same as Lieutenant General

Admiral = Four Stars; same as General

During time of war (General Eisenhower as example) a five star rank is authorized for very senior commanders whose span of control often encompases command of many nation's armies.

A couple of years back, there was a move in the Navy to restore the traditional rank of Commodore instead of the Rear Admiral (Lower Half) -- a one star rank. But it was not well received as many of our sister services kidded Commodores by referring to them a "Comode Doors" (Ouch!). I didn't sit well and was changed back after a couple of years.

Rocket

[Venus]

Thanks, Rocket.

When you say 'lower-half' and 'upper-half', are you speaking of the star insignia itself? They get the lower part of the star?

Or are you saying that rear admiral is like 'junior rear admiral' who gets one full star, and a 'senior rear admiral' gets two full stars? (truly, I'm dumb as a stone about this stuff).

[Warlady]

Mule, I don't believe all military wives are like you describe. My cousin has been married for over 20 years to her P3 Navy husband and never cheated on him. I hope I got his rank right.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

War...I specifically said I know not all wives are like that. But there was a bunch that were, and I'll bet in today's permissive society, it's even more widespread.

[Warlady]

I hope not Mule.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RocketScience:
Rear Admiral (Lower Half)

A couple of years back, there was a move in the Navy to restore the traditional rank of Commodore instead of the Rear Admiral (Lower Half) -- a one star rank. But it was not well received as many of our sister services kidded Commodores by referring to them a "Comode Doors" (Ouch!). I didn't sit well and was changed back after a couple of years.
Rocket<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks for clearing up for me why the Navy stopped using the title Comodore. Sounds reasonable I just never knew.

[Maggie_T]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Muleracer:
When I was in the service, it was a standard practice to hit the clubs on base whenever there was a troop movement. The reason was quite simple: wives of the deployed would flood the clubs. No, they werent looking for companionship from other wives, they were lookin for the available Marines and sailors that were stayin.
I have had many military wives tell me that the only reason they tolerated the service was because it was a woman's heaven, with so many men to choose from.
Now I am not saying that all military wives are like that at all. I am just tellin you a fact.
Any man who has been in the military can tell you the same thing.....when the troops pull out, it's party time!!!
I laugh when I see all them tears on the pier.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Jeez, Mule. Thanks for invariably reminding us of the bright side of life. images/icons/frown.gif

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I think I have inserted a bob war wrapped crowbar 'you know where', with that post.
OKOKOK. I am sorry and I will try to behave.

[Maggie_T]

Aww, Mule. We love you all the same. images/icons/wink.gif

[Suzie]

This is a nice story hwb. Too bad people seem to want to spit in the face of those who are having to spend time away from their spouses and having a tough time by focusing on the negative side. Some of us really do miss their husbands and have to choke back their own tears when their kids cry their eyes out every time daddy has to go somewhere AGAIN. And keep asking how many more days till daddy comes home. And dread that date when they know he leaves again. That's usually what makes it really tough, a month or even 2 weeks seems like forever to a child. And for me that amout of time seems to pass a lot slower too when he's not around. This is a difficult time for a lot of families, it's nice that some people can see that. Some of those tears being laughed at are real.

[spectre]

Suzie it touched me too, and folks just don't think about what you guys go through. It is appreciated immensely.

[Superlyn]

Choking it back for the kids is hard enough, but sometimes you need to choke back the tears for your husband too. If he gets a chance to call from somewhere, you have to strike a healthy balance between letting him know that you love and miss him, without sounding too choked up. You can't make him feel like he has hurt you in any way. You have to always sound like nothing is bothering you, and that everything is running like clockwork. If you don't do this correctly, he worries. Is something broken? Do you have to leave work after dark? Keeping my husband from worrying is the hardest part of being a military spouse, next to worrying myself.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Muleracer:
War...I specifically said I know not all wives are like that. But there was a bunch that were, and I'll bet in today's permissive society, it's even more widespread.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

In the Army too. I had a platoon member (E5) who was married w/ a son. He was a lying cheat and wife knew. What did she do when he told her he was on TDY but actually cheating? Yes, she paid me a visit and tried to coerce the truth out of me with favors.

I was a lowly E3 at the time but still knew that kind of crap would get me a field grade Article 15 punishment...and lying to her would mean compromising my integrity. I only had to tell her once she could get a copy of his orders from battalion staff...

Naturally I had that discussion with him and told him to never tell me of his plans.

[TheRealLobo]

All; Mrs Lobo and I were both on active duty when we met (I had to fix some of her comm equipment, worked magic on it, she flirted, I responded, ta-daah, love and marriage).

On-topic, she had to go to Saudi for a 3 month deployment with her unit (C-130s).

I can assure you ALL, that the difficulties and loneliness can go both ways. She stayed in the Khobar Towers, less than a year before the bombing. After the bombing was when I asked her to forego re-enlisting.

She did, and then patiently waited for me to retire.

[Suzie]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TheRealLobo:
On-topic, she had to go to Saudi for a 3 month deployment with her unit (C-130s).
.....

She did, and then patiently waited for me to retire.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


It seems very few care about the topic Lobo. When I first read the story I thought it was a nice and touching story, then you can scroll down and see the who cares lets slap a label on them all and laugh and their tears. No one wants to tell a story about the type of woman the topic is about. It's sickening to me to see all of the WHO CARES lately. This is a tough time with a lot of tears here lately for many families, I got to know the feeling a few days ago of desperatly searching the internet for information on where the 3 men who were killed at Fort Irwin were from, that's where my husband was at the time that happened. I am sure there are wives who do that every time they hear of a death and don't know where their husbands are over there. I for one know what this topic is about, but ... who cares.

[Venus]

Rocket, I guess what I was asking was does 'lower' mean something like 'junior' and 'upper' mean something like 'senior', and it sort of seems to, according to your answer, for which I thank you very much.

Mule, I didn't see anything particularly wrong with your post. You were just sharing the observation that some wives' sacrifice wasn't always as noble as the article would give us to believe. As long as what you said was honestly explained from your experiences, there was nothing wrong about it, IMO.

But the opening article was celebratory in nature, so this might not have been the best thread in which to introduce your observation to us.

Military wives deserve a lot of credit, especially those whose husbands are and have been overseas for long periods of time, and most especially those whose husbands are directly engaging the enemy "in harm's way".

Suzie, I didn't see anyone on this thread laughing at the wives, if this thread is what you're talking about in reference to people joking about the topic. I've told you before, and I'll risk speaking for everyone here by again acknowledging the value of and our appreciation for your husband's service to our country and your own personal sacrifices to that end. Has he been overseas? Does the Nat'l Guard go overseas? What does he do? It's something with tanks, isn't it?

[Warlady]

More care than don't Suzie. I don't think anyone has said they don't care. Keep your chin up... we're here for you.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

I care also, Suzie. My wife had to put up with a bunch of separations, since I served on four ships, two of them carriers. With four little ones to keep her busy, it was still a lonely wait, each of the deployments.

I know what the topic is, and I am not going to get into those Navy wives at the club shit. Anybody who wants to can start his own thread.

[**DONOTDELETE**]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RocketScience:
Yeah, I know Mule, just the backbone of the Naval Service. images/icons/wink.gif We both go down to the sea in ships and in Harm's Way,...together.

I loved the Navy and I respected my shipmates.

Rocket<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I can say that from my time in the USAF, that the military regards an NCO or Officer and his wife to be a team. Both compliment the other. And by the same token a seviceman can be reprimanded for the unbecoming actions of his spouse, or child.

[Suzie]

I am glad and thankful to those of you who do appreciate what life is like right now for military families. It's not just the spouses, it's the whole family. Although the spouse who stays home and has to lead that family alone. I think people forget how much training takes place BEFORE a deployment. That consumes often as much time as the deployment it's self, and it usually doesn't take place in your back yard. It's a lot of time away from home.

Venus I won't go in to all of what my husbands service has involved, I don't think that really has anything to do with this topic, he is serving our country and he is and always will be my hero. I really don't care what people think of the Guard 9 times out of 10 they think it's only State duty and that is wrong the only time the Guard is EVER paid by the State is for Emergency Services and that has happend less than 5 times in the 11 years I have been married but it is often for a long period of time. He is a part of the 30th Mechanized Infantry Brigade if you want to read about it you can here...
http://www.aerotechnews.com/starc/2000/092200/AC_RC.html

[RocketScience]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Warlady:
Mule, I don't believe all military wives are like you describe. My cousin has been married for over 20 years to her P3 Navy husband and never cheated on him. I hope I got his rank right.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I can't tell whether you mean PO3 (Petty Officer third class) or P3 (U.S. Navy P-3C aircraft aviator).

Seems like it would be the latter, as there are not many Third Class Petty Officers still in the Navy after 20 years unless they've been "busted" a few times.

Rocket

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Most of us care, Suzie, and share your concern and wish the wives all the best.

I have never been with a woman that I thought was other than single and have no respect for men who have.
I also don't believe it occurs that frequently as stated by a poster here. At least, I sure hope not!

[RocketScience]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Venus:
Thanks, Rocket.

When you say 'lower-half' and 'upper-half', are you speaking of the star insignia itself? They get the lower part of the star?

Or are you saying that rear admiral is like 'junior rear admiral' who gets one full star, and a 'senior rear admiral' gets two full stars? (truly, I'm dumb as a stone about this stuff).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No, Venus, a Lower Half Rear Admiral wears just one star and an Upper Half Rear Admiral wears two stars.

When you look at a flag officer un whites he will wear shoulder "marks" (or shoulder boards) on the uppermost part of of his shirt, adjacent to his collar. On that board will be the number of stars that instantly denotes his seniority.

If he is in Navy Service Dress Blues, his rank level is indicated on his jacket sleeve, just above his wrist. In that case, the number of stars is indicated by the number of 1" gold stripes above a 3" gold base stripe.

All admirals are referred to as "Admiral", not Rear Admiral or Vice Admiral.

A little Naval tradition. One of the things I loved about the movie series "Star Trek" was their adherence to the jargon that I love.

A Navy Commander(an O-5 rank), who is in command of a ship is the "Captain" (Skipper) of a ship -- regardless of his rank. The title "Captain" being a ceremonial title and the term "Skipper" a more affectionate title when operating with his crew at sea. A "Skipper" (Captain) could be an 0-3 (Navy Lieutenant) in charge of a small but powerful surface craft and people who do not know he is the Skipper of a ship might call him "Lieutenant" if addressing him ashore, but his crew will call him "Skipper" or "Captain".

But the "old Navy" custom I like the best is that all junior officers (rank of O-4 and below) can be called "Mister", and this term is used in formal, if not disciplinary-type situations. It would be used by a senior officer in a terse or business-like manner. No one ever called me Mister, but I know enough that if someone does, it's "hop to it" time because someone may be slightly upset about something you did, or didn't do that you should have.

What tickled me about Star Trek, is that they kept the tradition of using the term "Mister" regardless of the recipient's gender. Very un-PC, but very correct as to Naval custom and tradition. "Ms" just doesn't capture it.

OK, it's like drinkin' out of a fire hose when you ask me about this Navy stuff, "Ya get more on ya than in ya!" Don't get me goin', Venus, I still love this stuff!

Rocket

[Venus]

Suzie, it wasn't my intention to pry into your husband's assignments. You seemed distressed about the discussion and I simply thought it might be a bit of release for you to tell us a little about what he does that causes the absences and the worry you experience, that's all. I have no particular opinion about the Guard as a branch of the service, nor any of the other branches, for that matter, but I have a little more interest in the Guard because my brother served in it. We're not close, and he's never told me about any of his experiences during service, so I was also a bit curious about it. My brother was at Ft. Sill for a time, and I'm proud of his service, if not him generally.

I read your link with interest. Thankyou.

[Suzie]

I appreciate that Venus but it is not my intent to make this about me. I am just a speck in very vast sea. I have known women to go through all of this taking care of the kids and trying to handle things alone only to have the husband run off with a younger women AFTER he retires and all the tough times for the wife should be over. So I know its not all flowers and roses on either side. But I think this story is to champion the families who do make it through all the tough times TOGETHER. If people can just imagine sometimes it's worse when the person doesn't do this full time because one phone call and the 9 to 5 life you are use to is suddenly over. For floods and disaster you can get a call and they are gone within an hour and you don't know when they will be back and often the area is so badly destroyed they can't call out unless it is an emergency because the lines need to stay open. The link I posted was from before 9/11, and the accelerating of the integration they talk about has now reached warp speed. The leadership is pushing hard and a lot of families are having to pause their normal lives to get it done. It's tough, but we all know why it needs to be done. So we do it proudly, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

[spectre]

Suzie well i have had a story related to me, but i didn't wanna mangle it with my weak memory.

Basically it was during Vietnam, and the lady telling it to me was living on base at Bragg. She told me how they were like one huge support group for each other. How they would all watch in fear when the car pulled up with the officers, knowing it meant terrible news for someone; hoping it wasn't them. After the officers left, how they would get together and talk of the good things about the guy(s) who died.

Touched me bad; hard to imagine living like that, knowing any day can bring devastating news.

I most certainly respect, support and hold you and yours in the very highest regard.