hi everyone

[gracie_mlc]

I wanted/needed to stop in here and say hello. I am slowly getting my life back together. It will take a very long time and I know I have hurt alot of people. The people that I have hurt, I am trying to make ammends with.
I had a complete breakdown and lost myself completely until just a few weeks ago. I broke down even more and was going to commit suicide. I called of of my family to tell them I loved them and was sorry for deserting them. I called everyone to say goodbye. I called Eagle and couldn't do anything but cry over the phone. When I got off the phone with him, I went home and got out some pills to take so that I could just go to sleep and never wake up again. Right before I took them, I found a picture of my mamaw. She shot herself in the chest and died when I was 14. She was my world. She was my mom's mom, but we had a mother/daughter relationship. When I found her picture, I realized that I have so many people that I love so very much and that I have hurt so badly, them and myself. It suddenly hit me at that moment how much it hurts me still to this day losing mamaw like that. I realized that I do not want to put that on the people that I love so deeply. I have hurt them enough already and do not want to do that to them.
Now I am slowly reconnecting with the people I have hurt and lost. I am regaining things. I am going to start major counseling hopefully this week. I left the situation I have been in for 4 months.
Please pray for all of us. This is so hard for me to do. I am opening myself up to people now so that I can get back in with them. One of my biggest fears is rejection. So it is a major step for me to come to this place and others and ask for everyone's forgiveness and admit my mistakes. I know I have made some HUGE ones. But i'm trying hard to make up for them.
I missed all of you folks. I hope to talk to you all soon.

Love,
Gracie

[HarvickFan29]

Gracie, you did nothing for me to be forgive. I'm just glad to hear you're getting it together, and look forward to your posts. Take care!

[gracie_mlc]

Thank you so much. This is what I need to do. I need to open up so I can heal and let everyone know that I care about them alot and i'm trying hard to fix things.

[Beowulf]

Seeking help for yourself was the first thing you did right. That's where it starts. It will take time but when you overcome it, you will be a stronger person for it. I will pray that you get through this and that everything falls back into place for you. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif Good luck and God Bless.

[HarvickFan29]

Gracie, I forgot to tell you that I'm also praying for you and your family. I have every confidence that things will work out for you. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/icon16.gif

[Rink]

Hun you'll never be rejected by me, I know you had problems, and I've missed chattin with yas a lot. Been kinda lonesome without yas.

You just take care of yourself, and hun... dont be a stranger kay? I'm always around either on yahoo or msn k?

Miss ya hun

and hun, I'm also prayin for yas.

[The_RANDy_Corporation]

Gracie, we love you and God loves you. Welcome back and thanks be to God for his intervention in your life.

[ducktapehero]

Although we haven't talked much I wish you luck. I used to suffer from major depression problems so I can relate. If you want to talk to me PM me. I'll be more than happy to help in ANY way that I can. Good luck.

[SouthernReBelle]

Gracie,

You are in my prayers, dear. Please know that people are thinking about you and know that they care.

Love, Heather

[Rhino]

[ QUOTE ]
gracie_mlc said:
.....I need to open up so I can heal and let everyone know that I care about them......

[/ QUOTE ]
And, like Billy Crystal in City Slickers, you need to find your smile. From your avatar picture, it's obvious you have a great smile. You wouldn't want to lose something that valuable, and that therapeutic. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[ThomasMore]

Gracie, I haven't chatted with you before, but I hope to now. I will keep you in my prayers.

[gracie_mlc]

thanks so much everyone. All the encouragment is great and thanks for the nice things y'all have said. I'm having a hard time at the moment remembering that there are good things about me because I feel so rotten about all that happened. I know that I am doing the right thing now though. I am on the path I need to be on, no doubt in my mind. I have done some serious soul searching. It's amazing what you can find out about yourself when you break down.
Again, thanks so much. It's nice to know that there are people that will be my friend and that I have nice folks to talk to. I missed you folks. And to the new ones that I don't know, it is nice to meet you and I hope to get to know you all better.

[Peachdiane]

Gracie,

You did nothing for me to forgive either. I remember reading the posts before by you and your husband. If anyone understands the hard knocks being dealt by life and people, it's me. I sure will pray for you all and like everyone else, am just a PM away.

Di /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

[dajoga]

Hi gracie--
[ QUOTE ]
I found a picture of my mamaw.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't believe this was an accident, but the hand of God working to keep you from suicide. HE loves YOU and has a purpose for your life. Jesus said, "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:29). I did, and He did.

Thanks for sharing, you're in my prayers.

[gracie_mlc]

thanks everyone. It feels so great to be in contact with my buds again. I've been trying to get back in touch with as many people as I can (as long as I don't overwhelm myself) over the past few days. It feels great. Thanks for all of your prayers and support. Even before this week. Ever since I started posting here, i've had it. And it's good to know that. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Gracie